Monstaville Book III. Chapter 22

22

“When we acknowledge to ourselves that we are special people doing a special job, we start to get closer to truth and this allows us to act more as our true self. By recognising that you are special, you understand that you are a part of God. That you can behave as such. Everyone is special and everyone has that realisation at their fingertips. It is only when you see that truth that you can adopt your own mastery. Being as God, you can truly act in amazing ways. You enter fully into the flow of the universe and can reap all its powers and benefits. If you truly want to help, as most do, here is the place you can most help from. From the True Self. For every particle of doubt you have, every time you are critical of yourself and your abilities and every time you fail to love yourself, you are reducing your own worth and rendering a lesser service than you are capable of giving - to yourself and everyone else.”

- Sanat Kumara (channelled by Sandy Stevenson, May 2007, ‘Life on Earth,’ www.lightascension.com/arts/Life on Earth-Sanat Kumara.htm).

When a friend apologised to me once, I said, ‘No need to apologise. Breathe in the air of freedom and celebrate all your crappy choices – as well as the good ones!’

As I have said before, English people are not generally racist. Traditionally conservative perhaps, but it’s more that we judge ourselves and each other quite harshly. I feel that it is a genetic instinct and whether it stems purely from feudalism or not that has certainly played an important part. Instincts surface but self-awareness can quickly override them if one is conscious, honest, open, flexible and compassionate. People come here and think we’re rude and unfriendly towards them. Sure we are, or can be, but we’re not targeting them specifically or exclusively.

“Inquiring, confident and guarded, the way a bull at a gate might regard you.” – A.A. Gill (on English facial expressions, The Angry Island, 2005, www.homepage.eircom.net/%257Eodyssey/Quotes/Modern_World/Racist_Humour.html).

If I travel to India I must accept that pride and prejudice based on status is deeply ingrained in many of its inhabitants. I can’t change those attitudes any more than I can British judgementalism – which is perhaps the result of fearing and being resistant to others encroaching on our space. It is a tool of self-protection that has perhaps gotten out of hand like a runaway train. It might be said, however, that it now serves a new purpose in the face of mass immigration. As a tool it is perhaps harmless but, as St. Germain explains, it lowers one’s vibration and is not conducive to transcending duality and attaining the oneness of ascension and enlightenment. In other words, it is not the path of love and is therefore an expression of the ego, not the Self. “There is great freedom awaiting you,” promises St. Germain. “Release your shackles of lack and self-chastisement.” (Channelled through Rev. Lynette Leckie-Clark, 2003, www.kuthumischool.com/en/teachings/Volume7/make_it.php).

“We, the natives of these Great British Isles, are not normally comfortable with flirting. Perhaps island life breeds insularity and a fundamental unease over personal boundaries, which makes full eye contact (the basic currency of flirting) uncomfortable for us. Perhaps we are still unwittingly held hostage by Victorian prudishness or maybe it’s just the weather that makes us shy and reticent to reach out from our souls to strangers in the street or in a café. Because, let’s face it, without alcoholic support we do tend to be a socially timid bunch. Not that I’m criticising – I find our awkward ways quite fetching and indeed indulge in them all too often myself. Intrinsically, we all want to be acknowledged. Road, air, trolley and all the other newfangled ‘rages’ we are now said to subscribe to result from feeling unacknowledged by strangers. As any driving instructor will tell you, a lot of this can be offset by initially establishing eye contact, for once eye contact is made, souls connect and you feel acknowledged. Once acknowledged, your basic sense of decency is evoked and it is hard to feel anger.” – Barefoot Doctor (Dear Barefoot. Taoist Wisdom For Everyday Living,’ Atlantic Books on behalf of Guardian Newspapers Ltd, London, U.K., 2004, 126-127).

“Examine your behaviour of late. If you’ve been overly cynical, pessimistic or downright nasty, you might wish to experiment with the following perceptual reframing technique. Greet everyone you meet with the thought: ‘I am willing to look beyond the role this person is playing and love them rather than fear them.” - Barefoot Doctor (ibid. p.208).

So, not to worry: You just happen to have come within range of our Death Ray. One good thing is that it’s impossible to take yourself seriously or remain proud or attached to a sense of self-importance here (unless you are in a privileged position and ‘doing alright for yourself’ of course). My point is, it’s just Britain (for the time being). It can be quite a tough place socially. It’s the Dark Goddess. Didn’t they tell you that in the ‘Come to Britain’ ads? It’s crippling for many sensitive souls (as I have found at certain times in my life). One does need to be quite hard to survive. Unfortunately, this means there are a lot of closed shells and a lot of souls hiding inside them, living in darkness. A wave of warm Light washing over this heart of darkness might reveal that, underneath, lies a heart of gold.

“Possibly the most famous guideline for effective living in Western civilisation is the so-called ‘golden rule,’ which is generally expressed in some version of ‘Do unto others as you would have done to you.’ My candidate for a ‘platinum rule’ is this:

Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.

If anyone else insulted us as openly and crudely as we insult ourselves (‘I’m such a stupid idiot,’ ‘I’m so useless,’ ‘I’m such a waste of space,’ ‘God, I’m pathetic,’ etc.) or punished us as unforgivingly as we punish ourselves (‘I can’t believe I ate dessert - that’s it! I’m going to work out until I throw up!’), we would be up in arms, protesting at the injustice and inhumanity of such cruel and unusual treatment.

                But when we treat ourselves that way, we put up with it – mostly because nobody ever told us we didn’t have to.”

– Paul McKenna (I Can Make You Thin, Bantam Press, London, U.K., 2005, p.88-89).

London is a judgemental English person’s moany old Paradise, I have realised. I accept most people as they are. I react to people invading my personal space, however, and, even when I don’t react, I still take action much of the time based on principle. As far as I’m concerned, I have every right to protect my own space from disturbances, or at least let the culprits know that they are being selfish and inconsiderate. Often, they are guilty of disturbing a whole train carriage or the upper deck of a bus. To simply accept it and say nothing seems to be an invitation for them to continue annoying people wherever they go. At least, if they are going to rob me of my peace of mind for the length of a journey or whatever, I would like to rob them of a little of their unconscious denial of the truth that they are making the world a worse, not better, place. Sure, they make me angry. I believe that British people judge ourselves as a cultural habit and that we judge ourselves too harshly. Lazaris refers to this as ‘self-sabotage’: we judge ourselves before anyone else gets a chance to judge us. Don’t forget, our ancestors were ruled by an aristocracy who looked down on them for centuries. This feudal mindset lingers to this day.

Play:  ‘Sabotage’ by Minuit Machine.

“You are all beautiful beings. Very radiant. You do not see yourselves as we see you. But if you could, then ninety percent of your problems are in your own beliefs and judgements about yourself. So now is the time to forget about the past. Forget about anything you have done in the past. You are all forgiven, all of your outrageous crimes. Anything you did in the past, you did feeling that it was the right thing to do. You are all honourable beings.” – Sananda (channelled through Eric Klein, The Crystal Stair. A Guide to the Ascension, Oughton House Publications, CA, U.S., 1990, p.138).

“Know that as you release your own judgements about yourself you will not receive judgements from external sources. So perhaps his judgements about your irresponsibility are reflections of your own feelings of irresponsibility about yourself.” – Sananda (channelled through Eric Klein, ibid. p.143-144).

"The illusion is illusory, and within it there is no justice because nothing that happens there really happens. But as long as you believe in it, and by doing so support it, it will seem very real, along with the suffering and injustice experienced there. To stop believing in it you have to stop taking sides, and stop judging, blaming, and bearing grudges, and you have to start forgiving those you have judged. And the first person you have to forgive is yourself. As you begin to live like this you will find yourself experiencing moments of unexpected peace, and this will give you the motivation to continue. In the end, judgement is always self-judgement, as people and situations reflect back to you your own sense of unworthiness or wickedness. But you are not unworthy and you are not wicked. You are perfect because that is how your Father created you. And when you accept that fact you will cease behaving in a way that disturbs or unsettles you. Then you will release the negative attitudes to which you have been clinging so firmly - and the anchor that has been holding you in the illusion will be weighed as you sail for Home.” – Saul (channelled through John Smallman, www.johnsmallman.wordpress.com).

Sonia Choquette regards judging ourselves and others as a “soul disease, similar to the flu.” Negativity is a ‘psychic flu,’ she says. And the cure is self-love and showing mercy: “Be glad that your self-love gives you resistance. With practice, it will confer complete immunity.” She adds: “No matter what comes your way, stay true to your commitment to love your Spirit, and don’t get pulled off centre by others’ judgements. Recognise that other people may not be spiritually healthy, and forgive them…Insist on enjoying life no matter what.” (The Answer Is Simple…love yourself, live your spirit, Hay House, Inc., Carlsbad, CA., U.S., 2008, p.48). Any part of the world that has endured oppression - and there are many, of course – needs to regard self-love as being of primary importance, in my opinion. We can hardly expect governments to encourage this when they persist in taxing and controlling everyone. It is our responsibility as individuals start loving ourselves (and then we might just produce a government that reflects this new paradigm of feeling about ourselves – and towards each other). “Recognise assaults on or judgements of your happiness as attacks from the ego and laugh them off,” advises Choquette. “As you raise your vibration and simply take the higher road, those who are deeply mired in the muck of ego will challenge you. See such challenges as opportunities to show these very same people another way. Their reaction may not be positive at first, but you’ll give them something to think about. Have compassion when you’re confronted with serial negativity, and see the moment as a chance for you to spread a little joy their way. You never know how it will affect them in the long run, and you may be surprised.” (ibid. p.46).

“[Valentino was] what is commonly called for want of a better name, a gentleman. In brief, Valentino`s agony was the agony of a man of relatively civilised feelings thrown into a situation of intolerable vulgarity.” - H.L. Mencken.

The issue for me is that the only things I really take offence at are directly threatening behaviour and loudness that gives no respect to my space as an individual – to the point where I feel stressed and agitated and wish I was somewhere else. Certainly, it is possible to wind me up if you’re one of the most annoying people on Earth (and I swear I have known a few of those!). But, generally speaking, I am not easily provoked at all. Hence, I have been dumped in Monstaville so that my buttons may be pushed on a regular basis (and over a long period of time). YES, OK, OK, I HAVE A PROBEM WITH YOUR MANNERS AND YOUR BEHAVIOUR! NOW, CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME IN PEACE?!

“Pain of mind is worse than pain of body.” - Latin Proverb.

“Trauma caused pain. Eventually, the mind will find a way to release it.” – Hide and Seek (directed by John Polson, 2005).

I came across a few videos on YouTube during mid-February 2009 in which the Ascended Master the Comte de St. Germain discusses making judgements [see Appendix VII] and releasing stress. At the same time, a friend suggested that I have repressed anger to release. I haven't thought about it enough. I imagine that, while there must be plenty of fear that stems from childhood, any anger is likely to have been generated through my adult life. It could well be that this is the main reason why I'm living here with these neighbours...because here there's no escape from the mirror. They're reflecting the fact that I hold it all inside and don’t let it out, reminding me that I am angry and need to purge the anger locked deep inside. I've decided to breathe deeply and shout as St. Germain advises (see below) – once a day if I can (I’m very resistant and have to push myself but it definitely feels cathartic). [Retrospective note: I was doing this more frequently at the beginning but now just shout if I feel a lot of tension that needs to be released. I tend to do the shout as far away from the neighbours as possible. It’s not meant to be a weapon. If the neighbours’ television has been loud, even during the previous evening, however, I don’t see why I should bother to shout away from them. Often, I am reminded to do it when I go nearer to where they are, when I go to the fridge, for example. So sometimes I shout there and then spontaneously (which is also an expression of righteous indignation). It’s sudden and dramatic but I try not to use this as a weapon because I consider such tools to be sacred gifts and do not wish to abuse them. When my neighbours are the cause of my need to release tension, I confess that I want them to hear it and even feel that I am spewing out all the toxicity created by them at least in part. Naturally, I attempt to release all negativity stored within myself both from this life and previous lifetimes. Remembering to breathe fully is helping me tons as well!].

Angel cards (RE: shouting): Courage and Purification.

“At some point in your life, you’ve experienced being very angry. And, at that moment of anger, your ability to feel happy was significantly restricted. Anger vibrates at a lower, slower frequency whereas happy vibrates at a higher, faster frequency. By holding on to the vibration of anger you are limiting your ability to be happy. You simply operate at a lower, slower frequency that limits access to the higher, faster feelings. This is exactly what happens in lower, third-dimensional reality. Accessing the higher dimensional frequencies simply cannot occur at a lower, slower vibration. You have to raise your vibrational field in order to access the higher consciousness in simultaneous time.” – Jim Self (‘Mastering Alchemy: Sacred Geometry Energy meditation,’ Google video lecture, 1 July 2007).

Choose an appropriate response, take action and then let go of it. Breathe deeply. Don’t worry or feel stressed. Don’t let them get to you. Don’t allow them to drag you down into negative thought patterns that would keep you in lower vibes, in duality. Stay out of the swamp. Rise above the yuckiness. Ascend to Light even in challenging circumstances, even while you are still treading in your own karmic shit – or stuck in it.

“The default setting of England is anger. The English are naturally, congenitally, collectively and singularly, livid much of the time. In between the incoherent bellowing of the terraces and the pursed, rigid eye-rolling of the commuter carriage, they reach the end of their tethers and the thin end of their wedges. They're incensed, incandescent, splenetic, prickly, touchy and fractious. They can be mildly annoyed, really annoyed and, most scarily, not remotely annoyed. They sit apart on their half of a damply disappointing little island, nursing and picking at their irritations. Perhaps aware that they're living on top of a keg of fulminating fury, the English have, throughout their history, come up with hundreds of ingenious and bizarre ways to diffuse anger or transform it into something benign. Good manners and queues, roundabouts and garden sheds, and almost every game ever invented from tennis to bridge. They've built things, discovered stuff, made puddings, written hymns and novels, and for people who don't like to talk much, they have come up with the most minutely nuanced and replete language ever spoken - just so there'll be no misunderstandings. The English itch inside their own skins. They feel foreign in their own country and run naked through their own heads. They are often admirable but rarely loveable. An Englishman's greatest achievement is in resisting his national inclinations and not going crazy with an axe in a cul-de-sac.” – A promotional description of A. A. Gill’s The Angry Island (Orion Publishing Group, London, U.K., 2005).

The fire in my astrological chart is stifled by planets in the element earth so tension, anger and energy generally must have been locked inside and allowed to build up in my subconscious for the whole of my life to date. I believe these two conflicting qualities also reflect the general temperament of the British (specifically Aries-Capricorn judging from a quick glance at our national horoscope). The energy (or entity known as ‘the Mandarin’) who gave me healing during 1992 through a trance medium told me that I hold my emotions in instead of expressing and releasing them. I used to release a lot of it by singing and playing the guitar but that vehicle has been ‘confiscated’ of course, at least temporarily. Perhaps that was insufficient to uproot deeply-buried pain and grievances. In actual fact, I now perceive that my experiences over the past decade have served to gradually bring some repressed anger to the surface whilst also turning it into a source of power as the energy is released. The Mandarin also told me that my ego has more of a hold on me than I think.

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy." - Dr. Wayne Dyer PhD.

"He whom I enclose with my name is weeping in this dungeon; I am ever busy building this wall all around; and as this wall goes up into the sky day by day I lose sight of my true being in its dark shadow; I take pride in this great wall, and I plaster it with dust and sand lest a least hole should be left in this name; and for all the care I take I lose sight of my true being." - Rabindranath Tagore. (Quoted in Wayne Dyer's book Your Sacred Self, 1996).

The ego fears, reacts and judges. It happens. The task is not to identify with it. It’s a conscious choice. You observe it and let go of it rather than being pulled along by it. Let go of it. It’s not you. The Pleiadians (in Bringers of the Dawn) explain that resistance and judgement result from our desire to be in control and that this is essentially a resistance to change on the part of our logical mind. We are closing ourselves to something our emotions are trying to show us because we think they are ‘interfering or will embarrass us.’ Yet, they counsel, it is by trusting and facing our feelings, however uncomfortable they may be, that we learn about our identity, that we expand our awareness of who we are. When we judge, they say, we cannot go with the flow [see Appendix VIII: Emotions]. In other words, we close ourselves to life and it is through the clouds that the Sun is to be found shining in all its glory, through the murky water and the process of feeling tension that the gleaming white pearl is discovered and created. So, instead of trying to banish those feelings of discomfort, we need to embrace them and deepen and relax into our feeling of peace and wholeness through them. Well, don’t look at me! I’m just trying to figure all this out myself! Let’s just say I am open to it and willing to experiment. Without acceptance, trust and appreciation for what is, we close ourselves from what could be, what we wish for and what we intend to be. Without the feminine foundation of life and feeling, our masculine power to create remains limited.

I believe this ‘inner creating the outer’ is stronger now but of course external circumstances can have an adverse effect on us and can be more than we can bear…but also change us for better or worse.

Master Kan (Philip Ahn): “Communication between self and Self, between self and others, may take many forms. Dreams are a language which we may learn to interpret. Our deeper Self taught them to our self. The needs, the sensations, the flights of fancy of others impinging on our own. Take heed not to disregard these communications but, rather, listen and hear what they have to say.”

                - Kung Fu (Season 3, Episode 9, ‘The Garments of Rage,’ 1974).

I started recording incidences of judging people whenever I go out because I have realised that, here where I live, I encounter so many sights that ‘do not agree with me.’ While I calmly observe most of them, ‘judgement happens’ too. It’s a start. I don’t know what to do about it. I haven’t really acknowledged that it is a problem but I am open to observing myself and these little incidences. I confess that by the second day I was already laughing at myself and the absurdity of my environment! If it’s entertaining enough to make me laugh then it’s definitely a worthwhile exercise. It’s a new game from which I hope to learn a thing or two about myself and become more conscious and high-vibrational since I am on the case in this area now and it feels permanent because I know there are higher frequencies on Earth now. There is no turning back and it would be senseless to waste such a golden opportunity. It is time to take responsibility for inner aggression and anger and master them. Both judgement and repressed anger are very English diseases, I think. No doubt they are intimately related too. In fact, what I really mean that we have a unique brand since conformity and control are a Patriarchal disease and narrow-mindedness results from a rational, left-brain emphasis the world over. Right and wrong are drummed into us from infancy and we are conditioned to adopt the cultural values and exclusive identity that are required to maintain the status quo which is always static and inanimate. What is normal and acceptable to us personally and culturally is always too limited to be inflicted onto others and always narrows our perception of reality which only the heart sees and can fathom fully. Judgement is not knowing.

Examples:

(Oh, well, I suppose I’d better fill in the blank space here since I was so bossy earlier).

First page of notebook (these are incidences where I felt some degree of negative emotion however fleeing):

1.Two 50-something Asian men. One was very walking slowly and one on the wrong side of the pavement (with building works cutting off the road). I passed the slow one (eventually) and then laughed when I passed the other further along (he was also walking slowly and appeared to be in a world of his own) and people were finding it difficult to get round him. They could have both been drunks though, I’m not sure.

2. An English guy (you know, the ‘white’ kind), 60-odd, on roller blades in the park, complete with crash helmet, looking very awkward.

3. Two Muslim women, one earlier during my walk and one at the end, wearing niqabs. Yes, always a negative judgement. Totally against my belief in individuality, equality and freedom. And just, well, bizarre not seeing someone’s face in the street. Not bank robbers though, at least, and I often feel sympathy for such women. Of course, anyone is entitled to wear what they like. Although, if I dressed as a bank robber – with a pair of tights over my head, or wearing a balaclava - I doubt if many people would be terribly tolerant towards me or take me seriously…and I don’t mean simply because I look menacing. Free choice but one ought to expect reactions and shaky social relations in an environment where this is not the norm (or even on the edge of normality)! [A far worse sight than a woman wearing a burqa though is a huge African woman wearing a white g-string and black tights with her arse bursting out of leggings which are unable to stretch past the two-thirds mark. That vision requires recuperation time! And not because she is black! I have just never seen other women looking like that – well, not that ridiculous anyway].

4. An English woman (I think) with no taste in clothes! Hahaha.

5. A group of Asian boys driving by in a car with the windows and sunroof open – and loud music blaring out.

6. A young English (OK white again…if you wanna be picky) guy with bad taste and his arse hanging out over his trousers (I have to stop myself from taking the piss out of these young scallywags…bless!).

7. Very loud African guy on the phone walking down the street (actually, he was on the other side of the road but it was still loud enough to annoy me).

8. A woman driving a car didn’t stop even though myself and another person were already halfway through crossing the road: I called her a ‘fat, ugly cow’ in my head (I was quite shocked by my reaction but I guess it resulted from the fear of being run over!).

9. A young Asian family (Bengalis I believe) eating chicken and chips whilst walking slowly in town, all spread out across the pavement, totally oblivious to the myriad pedestrians trying to pass them. I just kept looking back at them in astonishment. They looked like aliens from another planet. Surreal!

Hilarious. Actually, this exercise didn’t last very long because I realised I was being too hard on myself. I have quite an analytical (and perceptive) mind and there’s quite a difference between being sensitive, observing, noticing or contemplating and judging. In fact, I am hard on myself, hard on life and, I suppose, hard on others sometimes too. The other side of the coin for someone with an analytical mind is criticism which, perhaps, may be considered a component of judgement, the next step. I’m pretty stuck in that I feel quite negative about a lot of things in life, in my responses to conditions, which means that they never change or improve because I give my attention to them. [Retrospective note: There are so many odd-looking people where I live and none of them are English. So many strange sights. I confess that I do find myself judging some people from Asia and Africa even though I also find that my assessment deepens after a few moments of observation and the judgements are replaced by some degree of appreciation for them as people in spite of their crazy quirks, their absurd appearance or manner; not always, but sometimes! Haha].

“Through observing, remembering, pondering and discussing, you have practised thoughts that have become more powerful thoughts or beliefs, which now dominate your point of attraction. And each thought you consider, or focus upon, causes you to feel an emotional response. And so, over time, you have come to feel certain ways about certain things.” – Abraham (Manifest Your Desires by Esther and Jerry Hicks,  Hay House, Inc., Carlsbad, CA., U.S., 2008, p.204).

“’I’m going to begin my day by meditating and bringing myself into alignment with my Source Energy. And as I move through the day, I’m going to look for opportunities to appreciate, so that all day long I’ll bring myself back into Source Energy. If there’s an opportunity to praise, I’m going to praise; if there’s an opportunity to criticise, I’m going to keep my mouth shut and try to meditate. If I feel like criticising, I’ll say, ‘Here kitty kitty,’ and I’ll pet my cat till that feeling goes away.’” – Abraham (Manifest Your Desires by Esther and Jerry Hicks,  Hay House, Inc., Carlsbad, CA., U.S., 2008, p.257).

There exists judgement in a positive sense, of course [See Appendix IX]. We judge what is true and false, real and not, our true selves and our temporal physical personalities, and we recognise what we know in our hearts when we perceive it in others, in the world outside. It is the negative sense of the word that limits human consciousness. Of course there are a few things that I don’t like or agree with and which affect me personally and yes, loud or aggressive types of people I fear and/or judge and generally find it difficult to endure their coarse vibrations. Nevertheless, I am now more conscious of such judgements and automatically pay attention to any effect the might be having on my vibration. Consequently, they are accompanied by an intention to remain positive. In fact, writing the above judgements down and acknowledging them has caused me to kick the habit. I’m simply committed to non-judgement now. To be honest, I don’t think I could have lived here for so long if I were that judgemental. I have certainly suffered from judging myself too harshly, however. I disapprove of people throwing litter in the street and I see people of all ages, but mainly adolescent boys, carelessly discarding their rubbish in town. I find it annoying but it’s something I used to do as a teenager too before I wised up. This ‘judgement’ is based on an expectation that people are more aware now than when I was young. Yet, where I live at least, nothing could be further from the truth! Generally, I confront people righteously without negative emotions taking over, just to make my voice heard so they know. I am very aware of this power and use it, as I’ve mentioned previously, when people are being rude or ignorant by disturbing others (myself in particular!) with loud personal stereos and talking loudly on mobile phones. [Retrospective note: On a few occasions, when I have confronted people over the noise they were making, some anger has surfaced and I have sworn at them which I am not at all happy about. The last time this occurred, I wrote a note which I now keep in my wallet. It is a reminder to bless people instead! A more compassionate form of displaying disapproval by communicating with their higher selves].

“I shan't be doing O'levels. I'll be an intellectual roadsweeper. I will surprise litter louts by quoting Kafka as they pass me by.” – Sue Townsend (The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole, Methuen, 1984).

I know what you’re thinking: this is tame compared to some areas. Someone I met online was telling me recently that they can’t call up and have fast food delivered where they live because the delivery staff get mugged (I asked if she lives in South London and she said ‘Yesssss!!!!!! LOLLLLLLLLL’…or something like that).

Yeah, well, most of my experiences are relatively tame really. I do have spiritual protection. That doesn’t make ‘em any less crazy! They are ‘samples’ shall we say (that is, about as much as one so sensitive as I can take!). Living in this town, one is confronted by so many strange sights and sounds all the time. As I said, a judgementalist’s dream (or nightmare). Simply noting something as appearing odd or unusual, however, might contain an element of judgement, at least to start with, but it’s also perfectly natural. Although, of course, when I went to India, I expected everything to be different and I was there for the adventure and open to new experiences, however strange they appeared (OK, plus I was younger).

“It’s not what you look at that matters. It’s what you see.” – Henry David Thoreau.

While I was staying at Sai Baba’s ashram in Putthaparthi in 1991 there was an extremely tall Native American Indian guy with long blonde hair named Sonny who had arrived not long before me. His crown chakra had opened, he said, and then he had a dream in which Sai Baba invited him to his ashram (he was expecting to stay and teach indefinitely). Not that I ever actually spoke to him directly. Anyway, the first time I saw him, I was sitting outside the bunker in which we all slept and he was returning from somewhere. I stared at him and I guess I was thinking something like, ‘Heck, look at that guy! He looks WEIRD!’ And, um, ‘what, where, how, why’ and trying to figure out if he was as dangerous as he looked! Probably just another crazy Indigo like me but, at the time, Star Trek: Voyager had yet to be created for television! Basically, you know Commander Chakotay…? No? Chakotay left Starfleet to join the Maquis (who rebelled against the Federation) for some time. He is a Native American (played by ‘Mestizo’ - Mexican-American - Robert Beltran) who wears the same tattoo as his father in honour of him (it identified him with his tribe). This tattoo is on the side of his forehead but Sonny’s tattoo covered most of his face. So, yeah, I was kind of shocked and puzzled and trying to figure him out. As he approached the door he looked across at me and raised his eyebrows and then I gave him a big smile, not wishing to offend him. It was just a new experience but I wasn’t exactly jumping up and down like a chimpanzee and saying, ‘WOW dude, far out; you look WICKED!’ it’s true. I was studying him, contemplating…judging a bit too (as you do…).

[In an interview with Dreaming Bear, Steven Freid mentions that things are never what they seem so we shouldn’t judge] “I’m very aware…it’s not uncommon for me to walk into places and just have everybody look at me. In that moment I’m very aware that it’s our tendency in society to judge one another. And, I’m OK with that. I can receive judgements. I can have…people come up to me and tell me brutal things and just say right back to them, ‘I love you and you’re beautiful.’ And that’s alright. I give people permission to have their prejudices in whatever form they choose to have them but I encourage each being to allow us to begin to create a world where it’s OK for people just to be themselves and for us to, instead of looking at people, if we could really look at people instead of, right away, going, ‘Oh this and oh that’ [looks up and down], instead, we can just say, ‘Wow! There’s a beautiful being who’s really just a reflection of ourselves. So, if we can keep that in mind, if we can remember that what we say and think about others is just something in ourselves that maybe we haven’t come to terms with. Then that would go a step in the right direction to creating more compassion…” – Dreaming Bear Kanaan (‘Life on Maui, No.18 with Steven Freid,’ YouTube video posted by paulhugel, 3 July 2007).

One night, the two young Nigerian men staying at the ashram decided to stay up late and converse loudly, completely oblivious to the scores of people trying to sleep all around them! They were closer to the end of the bunker where Sonny was and it was he who finally told them to shut up and show some manners, much to everyone’s relief.

I was reminded of this when I shouted ‘You ignorant fucks’ at four young men (in their early-to-mid twenties) in Regents Park one afternoon. One of them let go of the leash to allow one of his sausage dogs to chase a pair of brown geese who had just been having a good old natter by a willow tree on a day of rare sunshine. The boys laughed and one egged the culprit on to do it again after calling to his dog and clipping the leash back on. About five minutes later, a man in his late 60s or so told a young Asian man to stop shouting and swearing. He was showing off as three guys and six girls were splashing and spraying each other with water from two paddle boats.

“What you perceive in others you are strengthening in yourself.” – A Course in Miracles (The Foundation for Inner Peace, 1976).

“Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who YOU are.”- Unknown.

“It’s easy to judge. It’s more difficult to understand. Understanding requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to believe that good hearts sometimes choose poor methods. Through judging, we separate. Through understanding, we grow.” - Doe Zantamata.

Not only do I judge certain people when they annoy me and others (including animals!) in this way and allow my heart to contract but I also disconnect from people completely if I don’t want to know them or don’t want them to be in my life anymore. I have a sensitive and delicate nature on the outside which is balanced by the love and inner confidence at my core. This is the challenge that I took on. It has caused me to be vulnerable and fearful in many of the circumstances of my life and probably drawn them to me since childhood at least. Quite what the point of so much suffering is I confess I don’t really know at this stage other than I was insane enough to volunteer to go ahead as a Wayshower in the planetary Ascension process. All this fragility and exposure to the storms of life though poverty and physical illness is akin to the delicate petals finally unfolding through surrender and tenderness and reawakening to Light after many lifetimes of being asleep. It certainly stands me in good stead to help people through their suffering if I ever manage to get out of the quicksand! It feels like each move I make in trying to free myself only invites more trouble and gets me more stuck. It is as though life treats any attempt to be positive on my part as an act of resistance even and punishes me or prevents me from succeeding in my efforts. Eventual opportunities to serve in wondrous and miraculous ways – that probably is the point of it all, ultimately.

“People judge you not because who you are, but because of what they're not.” – Dean Fraser.

The zodiac sign Leo falls on my Descendant (the Western horizon and 7^th House in the astrological chart) and I judge people who demand love, particularly if they do it loudly, aggressively, proudly or violently. That includes Mr. Pig, my brother, my mother as well as all the bullies I have ever known really. They are the people (mostly men) who are tyrants or so self-centred that they don’t even notice my boundaries or care how I feel. They simply express their power or will and want to be loved. The more resistance they meet the more they do it because they are not interested in truth and this helps them to deny it, to blot it out. And as soon as they do that I condemn them; that is, I judge them and write them off. I want nothing more to do with them ever again. Besides, I can see another drama surfacing: they may get upset or angry because they want their own way. But my heroes are also generally quite Leonine in that they use their power to win a victory for the oppressed. Perhaps I am denying that part of myself – my power – or have yet to fully recognise and express it. I have been relearning how to assert my power.

“…we need to accept all parts of ourselves. By being in conflict with parts of ourselves, or shutting them out, we start an internal war that takes up quite a bit of our energy. Inevitably, the conflict builds up inside us and spills out on others as anger. As Walt Whitman said, we contain multitudes. Inside each of us, you’ll find greed, anger, jealousy, lust, envy and pettiness, as well as generosity, love, trust, gladness for others and wisdom. To know if you have accepted all parts of yourself, look to your judgements. If the behaviour of others draws particularly strong criticism from you, you can be sure that you have buried some related part of yourself.” - Betty Perkins (Lion Taming. The courage to deal with difficult people including yourself, Tzedakah Publications, CA, U.S., 1995, p.105).

Pigsy is an archetype that I do not like, the one that repels me the most perhaps even. This is probably a negative judgement rooted in childhood conditioning. Again, it is that fire, or water-fire, energy. In childhood, I got used to protecting myself from it by closing up. I shied away from the world and, feeling most at home in my creative, inner life, I pretty much relied on myself when it came to dealing with my emotional needs. At least, that has been the default and, at times, I have relied on it as my sanctuary from the world which always seems to be a place in which I simply do not fit. I developed an identity, or part of my personality, that fears or doesn’t easily open up thus creating an extreme that is at odds with its opposite polarity. A part of myself that thinks it knows what is best, not just to survive or escape but to find a degree of peace and fulfilment that most other people seek outside of themselves, yet arrived at that conclusion instinctively under different circumstances and with very limited resources.

“Difficult people are the mediators between conscious and unconscious parts of the personality. Whom do you dislike or judge negatively?...The judgements you have about the difficult people in your life provide a mirror for your own self-criticism and disowned parts.” - Betty Perkins (Lion Taming. The courage to deal with difficult people including yourself, Tzedakah Publications, CA, U.S., 1995, p.69-70).

Who knows, perhaps it is an archetype that I myself expressed in a past life and have been trying to forget, bury or hide from it ever since! Oh, the shame! Regardless, no doubt it is a disowned part of myself. That is, allowing myself to be loved. These people go out of their way, even violently, to demand love from others. They project their egos and misuse their power all in the name of need and insecurity. Yet, more often than not, it produces the very opposite effect in the end. It may work with people whose hearts need to be activated and it may work on other people for a while at least before they wake up (after one temper tantrum or bout of abuse too many). Such figures inevitably tend to be very lonely.

If something feels bad, of course we judge it negatively. All these negative experiences are experiences that have felt negative; experiences I do not wish to have! I seem to be attracting the opposite of what I want because I don’t want it. I believe the word that describes this situation most appropriately is ‘damnation’! A master, of course, has transcended the dream and realised a higher frequency of being, a state of euphoria from which all experiences in duality are incomparable trifles not to be either shunned nor clung to. Judgement ceases with the emergence of pure joy.

“When I am able to resist the temptation to judge others, I can see them as teachers.” - Gerald Jampolsky.

“As you can clearly understand, you are all in here to learn through your experiences and nothing comes your way by pure chance. Life plans are agreed before you come into your earth body, and your Guides will do everything in their power to ensure you complete your incarnation successfully. Of course freewill is still your right, but would you really put your progress back if you knew how important it was to your future? Naturally your plans are intertwined with other souls, and together you play out your roles to help each other move forward. In such circumstances you may conclude that no one person is responsible for their experiences, and correctly that it is a collective enactment by you all. Can you therefore see why spiritual advice is so emphatic that you should not stand in judgement of others? It is true that Man’s laws do exactly the opposite, but at your present level of experience in duality, it is understood that people have to protect themselves in this way.

                When you return to Spirit your ‘deeds’ are viewed differently and it is your input that is vital to your experience, although you will understand the reasons behind the actions of other souls. You complicate life through your egotistical demands upon others, and this is often the cause of differences between you. No one is greater or lesser than another in the eyes of God, but it is asking a lot of you to reach this level of understanding now. However, if you can only begin to accept this truth and take a kinder view of other souls regardless of their outer appearance and actions, you will contribute to the changes that will lift everyone up. It is seeing other people in a different ‘Light’ that awakens you to the great play that is taking place on Earth. Remember that you have most likely had hundreds of lives in all manner of roles and situations. These have been carefully planned to give you suitable experiences that will advance your evolution. There is no experience that is truly a random event, and certainly each one is an important step on your path…

Dear Ones, can you imagine the amount of planning that goes into each of your lives, and isn’t it something of a miracle that you intermingle and yet all play out your roles successfully? The more you can accept life in this way, we feel the easier you will be able stand aside from all of the turmoil and chaos, knowing that it is all a passing phase.”

- SaLuSa (channelled through Mike Quinsey, 19 May 2010, www.gfbymikequinsey.blogspot.com).

‘St. Germain: Releasing Stress’ (channelled through Ashamarae McNamara, YouTube video posted by messageswithin, 11 July 2008, www.awakeningfromwithin.com).

“The children, when they get upset, in the grocery store, they are releasing. They say, ‘I will not hold this energy for your sake, for what you deem as correct. I’m going to move it, for I am a Master’…You can go to the mountain…When you choose to, you can call to me and we will assist to buffer some ears, except yours. And you will take a deep breath into your coccyx bone. And as you exhale you’ll give a solid shout. One will do, for this is not about the work. It is about the expression, and being heard. And when you shout, you will hear your own voice. And it matters not who is present. There’ll be deep healing from that…

                Remember this anecdote: If I am moved in my emotional body, it is fine, regardless of what it looks like outside of me. For, when you are moved, then you create that experience to be about something outside of you. You no longer have the power to change it at its core. Yet, when you own, in every moment - ‘This is mine, for I am moved within me. I give no power to this outside of me’ - then you have all the power to change it, and quickly, for you own it. For, so many make the issue of something outside of them. And, at times, it is valid, yes. It is a physical experience outside of you. Yet, underneath all of that, you have emitted the energy which manifested and brought that forth to your reality. It is the same when you have a joyful experience. Own that too. When someone seems to make you happy say, ‘Oh, no, no, no, I’m not going to fool myself. You are not making me happy. I am happy within me. And you are here to mirror that and thank you.’ ‘I am angry within me. Oh, you are here to let me know. There is purging to do. Thank you.’ When you’re insulted, ‘Thank you.’ For, it is only the ego which shrieks. For, when you are centred in your spirit and that moment, praise or blame, the same. Even if that moment is fleeting. For, most have had the experience of contentment. Until that comes, own it all. For, it is energy. And, when you own it, the energy is yours to use. And you transmute that by feeling it. ‘Oh, I’m angry here.’ ‘I feel disrespected here. How do I disrespect myself? Let me look inside. Let me look at my actions. How I disrespect me by allowing others to speak to me in such a way. And deem it OK. For, owning it does not imply that you continue to allow it to happen. Owning it can imply that, ‘I will not have this in my reality. Thank you and goodbye.’ Yet, when you make it them, you are powerless, beloved. You’re welcome. Deep breath."

“Venting is the first step to processing our emotions and supporting our IC [Inner child]. It clears our body of the adrenaline [released into the bloodstream by stress] and the IC’s dark emotions, which can become toxic when stored in excess. Additionally, venting validates how the IC feels, and afterwards we have the frame of mind to resolve conflict.” - Laura Adams Boak (‘Wake Up! Your Inner Child is Knocking, Part 3,’ 19 July 2007, www.nibiruancouncil.com/html/ic_knocking_article1.html).

Separation from the ever-shining, ever-loving Self is caused when we judge, deny and resist. It is important, I feel, to stop giving power to the negative voice, the voice of fear. It is the asteroid belt of the mind comprised of broken pieces of planets that are no more. It is a band of chaos that is not aligned with our true purpose and therefore wishes to hurtle out into space and create havoc. And it will unless we command it and regulate its orbit along with the planets. This can be accomplished only by centring ourselves in the inner power of our Solar Self. Saturn’s rings demonstrate this principle as a magnification of the archetype of mastery. The saboteur within us throws bits of our past at us. It’s all in our mind, of course, so it resembles a child throwing pebbles into the water causing ripples in our consciousness (and if the pebbles stack up they create a dam, a rupture in the fabric of our being, cutting us off from the eternal rapture of our hearts). In order to return to our natural state of union with the Source, to our own eternal Being, our own Reality beyond this dream, we must learn to recognise the divine in everything and everyone.

"When you want only love you will see nothing else.” – A Course in Miracles (The Foundation for Inner Peace, 1976).

If we identify with the disturbance that the lower mind seeks habitually to create then it will take longer for the water – our feelings – to settle. Indeed, it depends how deep or how shallow we are. A deep pond will be less affected. See the judgement for what it is: just a fleeting thought, a spurt of rebellion caused by the gravitational pull of unconsciousness which we, as Suns, need to master. Just witness and let go of it. It is not the real me or you. None of us are negative in reality. When we love ourselves sufficiently, we know that and see the shit-stirring of the ego mind for what it is: illusion. If you know and are aware, you can let go and release it quickly, soon after it has appeared. Our likes and dislikes are many and varied and over-emphasis on, and over-identification with, them binds us to duality. Our finite minds exist. Yet, like the asteroid belt, we cannot afford to let them exist in isolation. They are formed by fragments of past experiences which naturally tend to spin out of control. As such, they are part of the greater whole and need to be observed from that perspective, appreciated for what they are.

Letting go is a useful skill to learn. When we insist upon a higher vibration for ourselves we feel compelled to let go of any density that might weigh us down and clog us up. We recognise a negative emotion or thought without allowing it to take root and dominate, rule and possess us. Alan Watts likened this kind of manoeuvre to ‘psychological judo.’ It is holding on to thoughts that turns them into thought forms. Manifestation results from intense energy and concentration. Even in a sea of chaos where there is little or no focus there are moments, emotions, that stand out as repressed fears surface or whatever, something that we have not faced or learned to let go of.

“I really believe I was happier when I slept on a park bench in Central Park than during all the years of the 'perfect lover' stuff.” - Rudolph Valentino.

“Freedom of movement and speech are going to be returned to you, but always it is wise to bear in mind that you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. As long as you do no harm to another soul, you can take it that you are working from the Light. When you often read about our reluctance to ‘interfere’ with your freewill, you will realise how careful you will also have to be where others are concerned. Judgement is high on the list of ‘do not’ and is because you cannot fully know the circumstances that led to the actions of another Being. As you can see, freedom also has its rules, but those that move onto Ascension will already have an awakened mind and understanding of their responsibilities.” - SaLuSa (channelled through Mike Quinsey on 20 February 2009, www.gfbymikequinsey.blogspot.com).

“We see many human hearts open to us and can inhale the perfume of sweet human love. Give out that same perfume yourselves. Withhold judgement and criticism. Remember the trials and the difficulties in another person’s life which may make them irritable and sharp. Turn away wrath by gentleness and love, remembering that as you feel hurt and irritation, so may your companion feel too; and until you can feel with the feeling of your companion, you cannot be a master soul. The human way is to judge in haste the actions of others, but the divine way is to remain quiet and loving.” - White Eagle (The Light Bringer. The Ray of John and the Age of Intuition, channelled through Grace Cooke, The White Eagle Publishing Trust, Hants., U.K., 2001, p.107-108).

“Judgement causes the very cellular structure to break down. If you could see this, you would never judge again. When you judge, even the cells of your body go crazy. They vibrate in a completely dissonant way. There is contraction. The fluids do not move through the cells. The nutrients do not become transported or delivered to the cells. The waste matter is not processed properly. Everything gets clogged up, and there is dis-ease.” – Jeshua (channelled through Jayem, The Way of Mastery, Lesson 3, Heartfelt Publishing, 1997, www.wayofmastery.com).

Louise L. Hay says that learning to love and accept yourself is the first step in bringing an abundance of love, peace and joy into your life. She explains that the first step to loving yourself is to “stop criticising, no.1., you, and then other people. It’ll be a lot easier to stop criticising other people when you stop criticising yourself. Now, number two on that list is ‘Stop scaring yourself’…How often do you terrorise yourself with your own thoughts? You get into absolute terror and it’s only coming from your own thoughts. Nobody out there is doing a thing…You know, we find so many ways to scare ourselves…Make a list of your fears and then turn each fear into a positive affirmation. Turn each one into something positive. And remember, always you are in charge. You are always in charge.

                See, one idle thought doesn’t make a whole lot of difference. Thoughts are like drops of water. You drop a drop of water on the table here and it doesn’t mean much. But, if you keep dropping and keep dropping and keep dropping, the table becomes awash and then you get a puddle on the floor. And then you can get a little pond and a lake and, finally, you can create an ocean. And, with our own thoughts, we can drown in a sea of negativity or we can float on the ocean of life. And it’s up to us. The thoughts we think accumulate. And what sort of puddles are you standing in or are you up to here [neck]? Or are you up to here [above head] and trying to paddle? You know, what are you doing to yourself? When you’re willing to change your thinking, we can change our experiences. And it doesn’t matter if you’ve got a big puddle of negative thoughts. You know, you can move over here and create a puddle of [?] positive thoughts. You can make changes, always. So, you want to turn those fear thoughts into positive affirmations. Let them work for you.” (From a YouTube video posted by streetwisebilly on 12 January 2008).

‘Permission To Feel. Pushing Away Emotions’ (17 March 2009, www.dailyom.com/articles/2009/17694.html).

“Throughout our lives, we may experience emotions that disturb or distress us. Often, our first reaction is to push our feelings away. We may say, ‘I don’t want to think about that right now, I’ll think about it later’ and we bury our emotions, deny the validity of our feelings, or distract ourselves with other concerns. But the diverse emotions you experience are neither good nor bad - they are simply a part being human. Choosing not to experience pain, anger, or other intense feelings could cause those feelings to become buried deep into your physical body. There, they may linger unresolved and unable to emerge, even as they affect the way you experience the world. Allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions rather than push the more painful ones away can help you come to terms with your feelings so you can experience them and then move on.

                It is possible to bring forth the old feelings you have pushed aside and experience them in a safe and enriching way. It may sound silly to set aside time to feel your old wounds that you haven’t dealt with, but this can be a very beneficial healing experience. Find a safe place and pick a time when you can be alone. Make sure that you feel secure and comfortable in your surroundings. Bring to mind the circumstances that originally triggered the emotions you’ve been pushing away. You may need to revisit these circumstances by reading relevant entries in your journal or using visualisation to relive your past. Once you have triggered your long-denied emotions, let yourself feel your feelings, and try not to judge your reactions. Cry or sound your emotions if you need to, and don’t block the flow of your feelings. Allow any thoughts that are connected to your emotions to surface. As you release the feelings you have pushed inside of you, you will find yourself healing from the experience associated with these emotions.

                When you deal with your feelings directly, they can move through you rather than staying stopped up in your body as emotional blocks that can sometimes turn into disease. Acknowledging your emotions, instead of pushing them away, allows you to stay emotionally healthy and in touch with your feelings.”

“We’re not meant to repress any negative emotions because it causes imbalance. To conquer our emotions, we must embrace them, not fight them. We must acknowledge them and allow them to serve their purpose as we learn from them.

                The ancient Essene culture left teachings dating back about 6000 years. They taught that our relationships with one another, with the Universe and with situations and events are mirrors of the parts of our psyche that need to be cleansed...It is very important to understand that when you fear loss, fear death, fear war, fear terrorism or fear change, you are giving others the ability to control you based on those fears. When you fight against poverty or against racism, when you fight for relationships or for freedom, you are outwardly attempting to repress that which has been placed before you to conquer inwardly.

                These situations are mirrors of our fears. This is why it is important to love and only love. Love those who stand with you but especially those who stand against you. Do not look at your fears as a threat. Rather, understand that this material world is only a physical manifestation of either the love or fear in your consciousness. It is as plain as day. All you need to conquer in your life is in your face. If you want to understand what your true inner fears are, analyse your ambitions and your inhibitions.”

- The Esoteric Agenda (extract from the film created by Ben Stewart from www.talismanicidols.org, 2008).

“Let me restrict this explanation to third density conscious awareness, where almost always souls need and welcome guidance, and to lessons in dealing with emotions because those are needed especially by all souls of that evolvement status. And, because your homeland planet is one of the finest schoolhouses in its galaxy for emotional lessons, I shall use Earth and Nirvana for this example.  Always fear is the foremost emotion that must be dealt with - fear is what keeps personages stuck in third density and unable to see beyond what is feared. Furthermore, fears spawns the severest of negative traits and actions: greed, prejudice, hatred, lust for power, jealousy, tyranny, desire to control others, deceit, anger, dishonour, war-like mentality, corruption. Because it can take thousands of lifetimes to overcome feeling fearful, souls choose that lesson in tandem with one of the characteristics born of fear and for this example it will be anger.” – Matthew (channelled through Suzanne Ward, 3 March 2014, www.matthewbooks.com).

“Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it.“ - Unknown.

Field Marshall Haig (Geoffrey Palmer): Very well. Listen carefully, Blackadder; I won't repeat this. Put your underpants on your head and stick two pencils up your nose. They'll think you're crazy and send you home. Right, favour returned. (Hangs up)

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): (Hanging up his end) I think the phrase rhymes with `clucking bell'.

- Blackadder Goes Forth (Series 4, written by Richard Curtis and Ben Elton, BBC TV, 1989).

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To awaken is to know yourself