Monstaville Book III. Chapter 10

10

“Spirits of fear, mistrust, contention, suicide and despondency will try to attack the victim on a regular basis.”

- Cisco Wheeler (Deeper Insights into the Illuminati Formula, Part 2, 2000, p.367).

The last time I felt suicidal I meditated and asked for an angel to come and help me. An angel quickly responded and it was so overwhelmingly powerful that I reckon it must have been ‘the’ Suicide Angel or something! [See Appendix IV: Matthew Ward on Angels]. The cat was chilling on my lap and leapt off in a flash (as he did whenever I called to the energy of Ganesha for communion and spiritual sustenance). It also felt like some kind of computer scan taking place. I had several fleeting memories (more like fuzzy feelings) stretching back lifetimes. That powerful energy went right through me and it felt like it went right through every layer of my consciousness, far beyond what I could fathom in my own being. It felt like a kind of computer scan. Whatever the process of restoring me to light and sanity was, ever since then I have felt this confidence that I am unlikely to ever feel suicidal again. I recommend it highly and wish I’d tried this years ago, although everything occurs in its own time, of course.

"Angels have no thoughts

Of ever returning you...

Wouldn't they be angry

If I thought of joining you?"

- (From ‘Gloomy Sunday,’ aka the ‘Hungarian Suicide Song,’ written by composer Rezső Seress, 1933).

Incidentally, in situations that induce fear, Doreen Virtue recommends linking into the Archangel Michael, who is a powerful protector who helps anyone who calls upon him. Michael, she says in the ‘Indigo Evolution’ interview, “helps to release us from any form of fear, whether it’s being confronted with a bully or something frightening in your life – you’re in physical danger perhaps – and in the case of having a [negative] spirit in your bedroom, Michael will usher that energy away [to help Indigo children to sleep better]…and it’s such an easy thing to do. How do you call on Michael? You just think the thought or you can say it: ‘Michael, please come and help me,’ and it’s done instantly. Because of the law of free will, the spirit world, including our Creator, can only help us if we ask for help. So, we do have to request this intervention and it’s done. You can also teach your child other intervention methods like ringing a bell, or using sage to clear the room, or even having a bowl of water with sea salt in it is very cleansing. This empowers the child to know that, ‘Hey, I have some say-so in who’s around me both spiritually and physically and it raises the child’s self-esteem as well as helps them to be in a better mood and have better health because they sleep better at night.” I have registered this valuable information within my soul and I am very likely to use it if ever I find myself being threatened by violence again and feel scared. I’m sure I must have asked my spirit guides to help during the Pigsy incident and received some energetic support. It’s a bit of a blur. I was fine up until the moment he turned around after discarding the knife.

[Retrospective note: I met a Lightworker in November 2009 who told me that she invokes Michael’s protection each and every day partly because she is trying to help and heal other black people in a negative environment and some members of the community were trying to stop her. My cat was trying to fend off yet another bully at the time. A large tabby was coming into the garden regularly and, after a few fights, started urinating near the back door. So, I decided to call upon Archangel Michael for protection and I included myself each day from then on. On the following day, I noticed two small white feathers in the garden close to where I start my daily martial arts practice. One was on the vegetable patch and the other was nearby but on the lawn. I knew they were a message of reassurance from Archangel Michael. It’s very rare to find feathers in my garden and I know that white feathers are messages from angels (I have had some experience of this in the past too). One feather for Xianxian and one for me.

                Actually, since this threat appeared, my cat’s character has really changed! It’s like he’s suddenly grown up, like he’s more alert and driven. It’s almost like he’s a totally different cat in some ways! I now tend to call him ‘Crossbones,’ which is the original name I gave him. We’re like two shipwrecked pirates defending ourselves from the native savages! Anyway, a week or so later I came home from the local supermarket one afternoon and, for some reason, decided not to take my boots off for a while. After five or ten minutes, I heard my cat go outside through the catflap and the cries of cats fighting immediately followed. I quickly opened the back door and the tabby ran towards the back fence but it was slowed down by my cat who was still bravely defending his territory (even though I’d found him stuck up a tree in retreat not long before this incident and had to help him down!). He managed to make it to the fence before me but I shouted (or roared) at him as a warning to leave us in peace. He has not been in our garden since then but I caught him walking along the back fence some days later and Crossbones was watching him cautiously, not prepared to get into another fight against the odds unless he actually entered the garden even though he was already in his territory. I threw a stone at the fence (which is quite a distance from the back of the house) to hurry it on its way. Not long afterwards, it could be heard fighting with another cat and the wailing was particularly loud so I assumed it was a brutal and unfair attack. I couldn’t see anything because this fight was taking place behind someone else’s fence behind us and a couple of houses along. I threw another small stone at the fence, however, just to surprise the tabby cat and it was sufficient to stop the fight.

                Since that day, at some point each morning when I’m with Crossbones, I ask Archangel Michael to protect us both from all harm and also to remove the tabby from the area for the safety of all the other cats as well. I also read something which inspired me to treat Crossbones to some nice fresh fish a couple of times a week and he has started playing with one of the little balls made of thin, screwed up paper that I keep lying around and inviting me to join him each day. I delight in seeing him happily leaping about. I might add that this has coincided with the angelic healing of my Inner Child which also took place recently].

 
Archangel Michael

“Another thing you can do is to call upon the Archangel Michael to come and be with you permanently. He is a powerful protector energy. I'd say this prayer twice, and then trust that it is so: ‘Archangel Michael, I ask that you come to my side and live with me. Please stay by my side and give me additional courage, faith, and protection. Please guide me in all situations so that my thoughts are aligned with Divine Love. Thank you.’" – Ayan Hurst (at the end of her advice to someone who was feeling defenceless and having difficulty standing up for themselves. See Clearing the Way: www.trans4mind.com/healing/question460.html).

Speaking of protection, the Goddess, speaking to Mark Amaru Pinkham, explains that, before we can live in the present moment with the firm conviction that She is guiding our lives in a way that is in our best and highest good, we must have full faith in Her that She will always watch over us. “Otherwise, you will remain in fear for your safety and well-being…If you have faith, then you will know that what appears as harm is only happening to evolve your consciousness and eventually bring you to inner peace.” (From Conversations with the Goddess by Mark Amaru Pinkham, Adventures Unlimited Press, IL, U.S. 1999, p.152-153).

Since there is no permanent escape from oneself, inner torments will continue until they are faced and resolved, and this extends to the astral planes. Having removed oneself from this world, and having freed oneself from possibly crippling circumstances and the lessons contained therein, one surely realises that there is no place to hide from oneself. Indeed, we have incarnated on this planet because it is easier to work on ourselves, to concentrate on certain aspects of growth so that we may move on to greater mastery of ourselves and this universe. The isolating factor of matter makes our experiences more direct. The solution is, indeed, simple but it is not suicide. The solution is transcendental attainment of a higher vibration of being. It is knowing and loving the radiant, powerful Self within, becoming centred in the hub of Being rather than dragged around than the spokes of fear-oriented thoughts. We cannot observe our personal difficulties objectively while we are being flung this way and that on the stormy sea of emotional chaos. If the shore seems too far away to reach, we might regard drowning as inevitable or even as the only logical solution. Why prolong our suffering? In our struggle and panic, we are unable to view the bigger picture. We are in a confused state and cannot think clearly. In addition, we have been deceived by the authorities, by so-called ‘leaders’ who themselves are not spiritually-aware, who do not know that we are multi-dimensional beings and belong to a vast community of other spirits, some of whom are right here with us, watching and waiting to help.

“We can learn the difference between being passively drawn into darkness and voluntarily choosing an active entry into the veiled world." - Tsultrim Allione.

A boat glides slowly through the mist but cannot get too close for those aboard cannot interfere with our free will. If we knew that help is always at hand from other dimensions, then, whether we could see the boat psychically or not, we would be wise to send out an S.O.S. and the response would arrive. All we need is a hand to grab us and pull us up out of the water so we are no longer thrashing around frantically and swallowing it. Even just keeping our heads above the water so that we may see things with a little more clarity and be in a position to make calmer choices might help. Yes, we are stranded on the physical plane. Yes, we might be temporarily lost from our true selves and the oneness of life. Yet, we are never completely alone. We are all cared for and surrounded by loving spirits if only we knew and could feel that warmth and be uplifted by it. 

Whilst we are growing in strength in this world and have yet to demonstrate that the lotus grows even in mud, it is wise to call upon higher beings who are keen to help and share their Light with us, to raise our spirits above the mire of the unconscious and elevate our conscious minds to the level of the spirit where we recognise ourselves as essentially positive, purposeful, joyful and loving. Even a temporary dose of this uplifting experience, this taste of the reality at our core, can be enough to keep us afloat and prevent us from sinking back down into despair.

Drug addiction represents another form of escapism, of course, and another way of postponing the decision to face and be ourselves. Life, as we used to say in my hash-smoking circle of friends after leaving school (a few years after ‘Jilted John’ was in the charts), is ‘too much.’ We are each captains of our own ship which we must steer and direct responsibly with active intent. To this end, we should endeavour to discover our unique purpose and to access and express our full, conscious, creative potential in order to become all that we can be and, indeed, already are. We just need to wake up and remember - just like when we awaken each morning and abandon sleep mode. Meditation is still the best way to get high and open up the third eye. One might not discover as much material in the subconscious mind but one does become conscious of a higher reality and with healthy rather than harmful after-effects. That is not to say that certain drugs taken in moderation as tools by people who can handle and benefit from them deserve to be demonised, which is hypocritical on the part of the Government, in my opinion, when pharmaceutical and legalised drugs can have worse effects on people (for example, the debate continues as to whether or not anti-depressants lead to suicide in some cases. I myself have been given them twice and found the effects so unbearable – they seemed like the most effective way to torture me – that I did not last a week on either occasion).

When people become acquainted with themselves as spiritual beings they are less prone to lose themselves to chemical addictions and more likely to view this realm of human experience from a higher perspective. Of course (I say ‘of course’ because we all know this deep down), all of these cravings and addictions - this depression, these suicidal feelings, this taste for sugar and dependency on drugs and alcohol - are essentially a yearning for home, for wholeness, a longing to feel closer to God/Goddess. They have their roots in the natural spiritual condition which we know so well and which we miss so painfully and desperately sometimes.

“There is beauty in every experience you create. The interesting thing is that you often fail to look for and see the beauty of your creation but instead look for the pain of your creation. Therefore you amplify and validate and continue to create from the limited view that ‘life is difficult.’ But if you flow with your existence, seeing the beauty in every moment instead of creating pain from your daily living, you become like an unfolding flower that enjoys the fragrance, love and beauty, not only for yourself but for those around you as well.” - Salem (from ‘Six Steps To Truly Enjoying Life,’ channelled through Diandra, July 2009, www.inwardjourney.com/articles/arttemp.php?article_id=1996007).

The fear-based mind magnifies the problems in our lives because it is unable to control the outside world. They may, therefore, often seem worse than they actually are. This then becomes a belief and belief itself causes all sorts of trouble. Emotional impact or turmoil can carry us off down the river, over the waterfall and along the rapids, and the mind then sees life from this vantage point. Unable to deal with the situation or regain control, unwilling to surrender to the suffering and simply endure it, the mind is free to make choices, including that of self-sabotage. Yeah, we just get ourselves stuck. The Universe is like an immense maze and we all find ourselves entering the part of it we need to master next in our journey out of the game to a higher reality.

Mark Amaru Pinkham explains that, “Many [Gothic Cathedrals] have floors covered over with labyrinths. These labyrinths are representations of the geometrical form body of the Goddess. Simply by walking within a labyrinth, alchemy is triggered within a person and the Gnostic centres of intuitive wisdom are activated. All things can be known once a person reaches the centre of a labyrinth.” (From a YouTube video titled ‘Secrets of the Knights Templar,’ Part 4). Conversely, some initiates had to try and find their way out of a maze. The initiates of the Eleusinian Mystery School of Greece, says the Goddess, were “given a strong sacramental potion…which was made with hallucinogenic mushrooms mixed with various mind-expanding herbs, and then instructed to find their way through a pitch-black, underground maze. The maze simulated the underworld of Pluto or Lucifer, so essentially they were being asked to die and go to Hell for a time. And believe Me, once the drink took full effect, they truly believed they had gone there. They were surrounded by demons for the entire time it took them to migrate through the cold, damp labyrinth.” (From Conversations with the Goddess by Mark Amaru Pinkham, Adventures Unlimited Press, IL, U.S. 1999, p.99).

Theseus faces the Minotaur in the Labyrinth (a temple maze at Knossos but likely to signify the spiralling womb of the spirit world). He encounters his unconscious mind during initiation, guided by the priestess of the Minoan Goddess of Snakes. There is a battle between the two extremes of his divided consciousness in the depths of his mind. He ‘slays the monster;’ that is, he overcomes the Moon Bull by awakening to his true self and seeing his shadow self for the illusion that it is. Finally, he uses Ariadne’s Thread - his connection to the priestess which she consciously maintains for him - to find his way out and escape, returning transformed to the physical world as one, undivided Self (or at least having experienced and known his true self). The patriarchal Greeks altered the ritual to emphasise the glory of the hero, substituting the wisdom of the Goddess Mysteries with a meaningless tale of egocentric power.

"Oh dear! Now I shall never get out. Well, when one’s lost, I suppose it’s good advice to stay where you are, until someone finds you. But - who’d ever think to look for me here? Good advice. If I listened earlier I wouldn’t be here! But that’s just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice...but I very seldom follow it. That explains the trouble that I’m always in. Be patient is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious. And I'd love the change, should something strange begin. Well, I went along my merry way, and I never stopped to reason. I should have known there’d be a price to pay, some day. Someday. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it. Will I ever learn to do the things I should?" – Lewis Carroll (Actually, this is an excerpt from Disney’s 1951 cartoon film, Alice in Wonderland).

If I am walking up and down the same small avenue of the maze my frustration is likely to eventually deepen and turn to rage and despair. There must be a way out of this mess but perhaps this lesson is particularly tricky or needs time to run its course. Who knows, perhaps one just needs to shed enough tears to produce a pearl which then acts like a key or crystal ball and opens or reveals the way to the next set of experiences.

The quest for perfection is neverending but it is rather depressing to be confronted with one’s weakest and most imperfect characteristics seemingly to the exclusion of all else in order to work on them. Yet, we have incarnated into this part of the maze in order to face these aspects of ourselves knowing, from that higher perspective, that this is the cure; namely, conditions which trigger responses within us and expose the flaws, drawing our attention to them. Eventually, through self-reflection beyond mere projectory denial the light of awareness releases and transforms the drowsy old lower vibrations. This frees up more space and fresh energy as these patterns run their course and are eventually dissolved. I’m theorising, of course but, if ‘suffering is good for the soul,’ surely it serves to sever us from our attachments and remind us that identifying with that which we are not cannot lead to lasting joy and contentment. Suffering also releases karma in order to free us to evolve to greater heights although this is not the only way if there is access to alternatives through profound sources of wisdom and information. In other words, we are paying a price for limiting ourselves to our temporal lower nature and this suffering perhaps exists to motivate us to eventually fuse our desires into our one higher will and purpose.

"'After all this time, it seems to me like straight and fast is the only way out - but I choose the labyrinth. The labyrinth blows, but I choose it.'” – John Green (Looking for Alaska, 2006).

Suffering is not the only way of growing but the passive way when inertia exists instead of awareness. It is not the vibrant, magical way that tends to take over once human beings are done with the lessons of the third dimension, when the seedling makes its way steadily towards the Sun above ground so-to-speak. It means we are stuck, afraid of change, not open enough. Many a time I have asked myself, ‘Why be born into an abusive household?’ The only palatable answer is that it is the ‘Soul’s choice for growth,’ the Higher Self, that is, calling the shots, the superconscious being the alpha and omega and guiding the subconscious and conscious ego through the maze of human experience back to Reality (even though it feels like being dragged through the mud sometimes!).

One spiritual advantage of having a difficult childhood and enduring harsh experiences when young is that, thereafter, nothing feels as severe or constant as those early ordeals. We are in a position to exercise this wisdom as well as that of unconditional love. It is an opportunity to be more tolerant and endure the negativity aimed at us. That gives us the strength to then see it for what it is: projection and illusion. One may also feel motivated to make the most of life both in terms of work and play. One may be driven to have fun and enjoy higher vibrations than those one knew during youth and help to create a better world. Equally, of course, one may also be held back by problems caused by negative experiences during childhood and struggle for some years to give up certain vices, bad habits and even addictions before being free to move on and fully embrace spiritual reality.

We are given a cross to bear because we are preparing for resurrection. Carrying a heavy weight makes us stronger. The cross, of course, is symbolic of an endurance test, an initiation, call it what you will. The ego alone cannot bear such a burden. It learns to call upon and cooperate with the spirit. By the end of the journey, it has passed almost all of its troubles over to God. The gravity of suffering is the weight of responsibility and the result is spiritual maturity. From the perspective of the ego, the mind, life is cruel and the universe unkind. It is unable to see the beauty and majesty of its progress. Other people cannot see the Light that is shining from within either. But it is there and the ego self knows it for it sees and feels the splendour of the spirit. It has a choice, always, but, through careful guidance, it learns that it needs the power, love and joy of the spirit. It drinks from the Holy Cup because the Divine Light within is the only source of energy that can enable it to carry the cross. By the end of the journey, the ego has sacrificed itself with increasing willingness. The end of the journey is simply the moment when the scales are tipped in the spirit’s favour, when balance between lower and higher is achieved and the separate, physical identity is finally replaced by the multidimensional self. We start living from the Self more fully. We start to remember that the divinity within us, with which we have by now become well-acquainted, is actually our real Self. And we celebrate the beautiful and joyful feeling of the love and Light within us.

“That’s the mystery, isn’t it? Is the labyrinth living or dying? Which is he trying to escape - the world or the end of it?” – John Green (ibid.).

What has happened? Part of us needed to evolve, to return to conscious Light and harmony with the Cosmos. Part of us became separated from our true self through attachment to the material plane. It’s just like sending the youngest child to school (boarding school). The child may not wish to be there. It may be bullied. It may be oversensitive and long for a lighter atmosphere. It may struggle to keep up with the class. And, it may leave school with no qualifications. Many go on to college and careers in search of status and wealth, and many struggle to make ends meet. But, the lost sheep dies to itself. It has not been flattened by the world but starved. It has returned to its flock in the heavenly realms. This is the paradox of the material world. It prepares us not to identify with duality but to transcend it, not to excel as mortal beings but to master it as immortal beings. The cross slows us down and concentrates our attention on survival. It is wintertime for the ego. There is then a constant need for spiritual discipline, strength and sustenance. Others take advantage of its apparent weakness and helplessness. The world sees no value in it except as an opportunity to release negative emotions and inner frustration at its expense, to abuse power. Even when someone comes to the Master’s aid, the soldiers relentlessly force him to move on, to keep up with the precession. For, the world decrees: if you cannot join us you are against us and if you are against us, if your frequency does not match our own, then you are nothing and we will make an example of you. The crowds will know where the path of such a wayward outlaw leads.

“Through the process of descent into Matter and form, man as a part of God destined to become ultimately victorious, is made the conscious master of all he surveys, so long as he is not forgetful of his Source. By identifying with the gross, man becomes almost at once entangled in a web of human creation whose snarls, like the thread of Ariadne weaving through the labyrinthine cave of subterranean Matter, bring him face-to-face with the Minotaur who dwells in the lower octaves of consciousness waiting to devour the Christ. Escape is freedom. That which descends and is committed to form and density must, in obtaining its freedom, ascend back to that Source from whence it came. To do this prematurely is in error; and therefore the Father, or I Am Presence, knows of each lifestream the day and hour when he is truly ready! Until the fullness of outer circumstance is transcended and transmuted in a manner whereby the lifestream is fulfilled his original purposes for entering the orbit of Earth, he should continue his training and preparation in accordance with the universal plan.” - St. Germain (recorded by Mark L. Prophet and Elizabeth Clare Prophet, Saint Germain on Alchemy. Formulas for Self-transformation, Summit Publications, Inc., MT., U.S., 1985 and 1993, p.36-37).

The spirits are watching too, not with indifference to the suffering one’s plight, not with malice or fear, but with joy. For, they see the Light shining. The Master, too, knows the Light is shining but even he might possibly be plunged into darkness and despair briefly. Only at the end of the journey, when the ego surrenders on the cross rather than being weighed down by it, does the Self shine through it fully. The separate ego is no more. It has become one with the Divine Self. It is raised above the world. The illusion of duality has been transcended. The leaves on the tree have all died but the Sun still shines. The spirit alone is eternal. What does it take to realise this? How quickly and keenly will we arrive at the end of our journey. Can we embrace our hardships and use them to grow spiritually? We may find ourselves torn between two worlds. Never before was such a contrast between Light and dark felt. Never before was the choice presented to us so dramatically. As we go through life’s trials and tribulations, let us also consciously deepen our bond with the Light of the eternal Self. We may swing between the two. We may drown in despair. But, let’s keep the candle alight even if the flame can barely sustain the winds of anguish. Those people who blow out the candle because they do not believe the Light exists or do not recognise its importance do not realise that, when the worldly self, the ego, dies, all that will remain is awareness. All the time we spend giving our attention to the flame of the spirit is an investment for the future (which is a deeper layer of Now). As I said, we may not appreciate this until the end of our journey. But it is a matter of life and death: of eternal life and bondage to the illusion of lower density and duality.

"When we look at you, we see you as vast, multidimensional beings. There's just a little bit of you in this body, thinking that you are all of it. Some of you are getting an inkling that's not so. We see you at all dimensions, in the vastness of who you are.” - Archangel Ariel (What is Light body? channelled through Tashira Tachi-ren, World Tree Press, GA, U.S., 2007).

We are much more than the limiting beliefs and illusions we've create for ourselves. Much, much more. The 'I' that we think we are is only one part of us separated experientially, holographically, from the rest. For, we are really 'we': many bodies in many dimensions. We're just doing a bit of work on this portion of ourselves, overcoming weaknesses, increasing wisdom, clearing emotions in order to feel the love that we truly are as eternal expressions of God/Goddess. Light is Oneness. Loving the Light, loving the Self, loving God is the way back. The Light forever shines within the heart. We have only to feel it. And this love that we feel, this Light and energy that we feel, is the flame of our true being – is the love that the Self feels for each part of itself, on all levels, of all life wherever it may be in terms of consciousness. To love the Self is to be the Self loving all creation.

We are being encouraged to understand that limitation is the cause of duality. Not that understanding helps much since we may still need the suffering in order to increase our strength and wisdom. All of our finite, semiconscious thoughts and emotions bind us to lower dimensional existence and pull us away from who and what we really are as spiritual beings. As a result, we are trapped in a realm of myriad finite experiences and we perpetuate this relationship while we persist in allowing such finite responses and impulses to eclipse our inner Light, our true, eternal being. The very first thing we need to sort out every day and even each moment is our centre, knowing that we are divine beings. The next step is to endeavour to express our true nature and actually be and behave like divine beings (a bit difficult if other people are harassing or torturing us). So, rather than suppressing our negative emotions, we express the positive qualities within ourselves until, eventually, we grow accustomed to thinking and acting positively, using the creative power of our spirit to combat negative behaviour in others and overcome our own weaknesses, which are epitomised by the temptation to react negatively. Power then replaces anger, strength and wisdom replace fear and stillness and patience replace suffering. 

"Do not say: 'Find me a strong protector, for one in my city has injured me.' And say not: 'Find me a redeemer, for one who hates me has done me harm.' Surely, you know not the plans of God and cannot see tomorrow. Settle down, then, in the hands of God. And your self‑mastery in silence will overthrow them. For ancient and deep is the fear of the crocodile who makes no sound." – Ancient Khemetic (Egyptian) proverb (an excerpt from The Husia in the Book of Amenomope).

If we are in a mess then it is because we have been repeating patterns of thought and behaviour which we set in motion several lifetimes ago and which perpetuate inner and outer tension. Perhaps the solution is to simply submit to our fate, silence the restless ego and its reactions and judgements, accept and endure the pain in our lives, the hurt that finds its way to us, and allow the arrows attacking us to slay the lower self, the physical personality. I mean, we might move around or duck but those arrows still seem to reach us. That is one level of response and, yet, we must exercise all the positive qualities within us - patience, love, courage and so forth - and display power creatively and instructively rather than do any real harm (or, at least attempt to resolve conflicts in a warm, friendly way first and resort to less peaceful means or walk away depending on the circumstances). It’s just not worth allowing people or situations to drag us down more or for longer than necessary. I mean, if it happens it happens. Some pain is unavoidable. Some conflicts refuse to end (as I have found with my aggressive, fascistic neighbours). Realistically, we must learn to apply courage and patience as required to minimise distress in our lives and maximise harmony. We must be adaptable enough to recover quickly from the emotional disturbances and psychological wounds which life appears to inflict on us. This includes a willingness to change our habits and attitudes where they are creating painful experiences. Rather than allowing pain to fester and build up, we must be capable of letting go of it as soon as possible (preferably not taking it on in the first place). We may endeavour to lighten our load through sleep, diet, exercise, creative expression or company; that is, change the energy by switching off completely or accelerating activity. Release requires practice (and remembering to breathe fully), of course, and there is nothing like a long-term conflict to receive the necessary training. I do feel like I have been in the equivalent of some form of training camp specialising in psychological warfare for the past decade. I am either a hero or a bull-headed monster! Someone has to win, and both opponents reside within, not without.

"It's not life or death, the labyrinth. Suffering. Doing wrong and having wrong things happen to you. That's the problem. Bolivar was talking about the pain, not about the living or dying. How do you get out of the labyrinth of suffering?" – John Green (Looking for Alaska).

Gildas describes disease as a wise messenger. He explains that pain signals when something is wrong beyond the physical level, in our life and consciousness (A Message of Love, channelled through Ruth White, Chapter Seven). Our society views the realm of human suffering upside down. We tend to see pain as something that does not belong there because it has not been invited so we rarely dig deep enough to find the root cause of our pain and discomfort. If we were looking at the situation the right way up, from the perspective of the Higher Self, we might view all crises as a cause for celebration. ‘Finally! Finally, these long-denied and repressed emotions are surfacing. At last! Now there is a chance for release, a chance to move on from the past.’ And, you know, if we arrive at the understanding that we have invited this challenge into our lives then the cosmos itself will share in our awareness whereas, previously, it was shut out by our own denial or ignorance. Consequently, particularly in these times of accelerated growth, we might just find that the help we need becomes available. It may find us because our awareness, our acknowledgement, our acceptance, our willingness to face ourselves and know the truth of ourselves on every level invites it into our lives. Although we might be buried up to our necks in darkness and despair, it is important to appreciate the fact that we have evolved to this chrysalis state from that of the caterpillar no matter what the caterpillar psychologists tell us. We are on the brink of emerging into the realms of Light, of love and abundance. And many beings of Light are standing around eager to assist and welcome us as we finally make our way out of the tunnel, fathomlessly dark and seemingly endless though it might have appeared.

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” – Buddha.

My life, this time around, resembles an egg shell cracking – with some help from the hard ground beneath a wall. The shell could not be put back together again but it turns out that Humpty Dumpty was only the illusory ego, an egg shell with eyes and a mouth painted on the side. Contrary to popular belief this external personality is not the real Self. The shell must crack and open to release the eternal winged One within, the fledgling co-creator.

Sensitive individuals suffer emotionally when hardship in any shape or form appears. It is difficult to talk about exercising discipline or making conscious choices when our world is suddenly turned upside down and we feel paralysed and unable to cope. It is as though we stepped onto a noose on the ground which was booby-trapped and hoisted us up into the air, leaving us suspended from our foot. Indeed, this is the symbol of the Hanged Man in the Tarot, the point in the individual’s psychological journey at which he or she “must come to grip with unconscious forces within him.” (The Complete Book of Tarot by Juliet Sharman-Burke, Pan Books, London, U.K., 1985, p.78). The Hanged Man has committed suicide only in the sense that he “needs to sacrifice control of his conscious ego by surrendering to the unknown territory of his inner world.” (ibid. p.78). Emotional wounds, deeply inflicted, penetrate the unconscious and perhaps open up a channel for deeper self-awareness. "Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart,” notes Carl Jung. “Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."

“To lose hope is to discard life.” - Knight Master.

Retrospective insert.

“One of the greatest moments in anybody's developing experience is when he no longer tries to hide from himself but determines to get acquainted with himself as he really is.” - Norman Vincent Peale.

An online friend in the States whose neighbour shot himself on Halloween (2009) said: “I have had terrible thoughts, feelings and much to be sad about at times. I got through Cancer. I have a troubled son. I have constant overwhelming things that, at times, I do not know what to do about. I never thought that life was not worth living. I am mortified!” Here are some excerpts from my response: “Everybody's different darling. We can't all be positive Leos. Some people are oversensitive. Some think and reflect too much. Some are pestered by negative astral entities or become addicted to drugs or alcohol. Some people live just for their partner or job and can't cope when they're gone and you don't know what has happened to this man, what kind of childhood he had, how tormented he may have been for many years within himself. It can all add up and feel unbearable. Some people don't feel at home here at all and don't understand why people like you seem to cope and enjoy life in this world. You're you and they are themselves. We're all unique so celebrate that and let this guy rest in peace and return again in another life with more strength and determination to face and work through whatever obstacle he needs to overcome, that's been holding him back for many lifetimes. We all have issues, even Leos. In fact, in my experience, they often seem to be the ones who are in denial the most because they're so strong-willed and unbending in their purpose and identity. We're all being pushed to grow quickly now with the influx of divine energies and many people resist and get ill or can't cope with the changes in their lives. They struggle with the urgent need to face themselves and shift blockages, resistance to their true, eternal self, to knowing themselves fully, and can't bear what's happening to them. Even when we do release something, it often turns out to be the tip of the iceberg and more surfaces from past lives.

                Who knows...perhaps this man was growing too fast and he might even be pleased over in the astral planes when he realises his evolution has been speeded up accordingly. He probably decided at a soul level that he was not going to stay here for the changes and the new world of Light that is coming. It's cool...he will continue growing in an equally dense 3D environment until he is ready. We've all been there. Then there are those people who take on illness, die or commit suicide purely to open other people's hearts, to teach compassion and non-judgement...Be happy and don't worry about other people. We're all God anyway and this world is but a dream. And, when you are happy, your light shines to others and in that way we all help each other to awaken...but some people are having nightmares in the cocoon of their minds and are glad to get out even though, ultimately, the only permanent way out is to face ourselves and wake up from the dream. That's easier said than done of course. Easy for someone like Jesus to say! Eventually we'll all ascend as human angels, intergalactic butterflies and, since time is but an illusion, it's all happening right now just as everything is but on many different levels. Keep smiling!”

Betty Perkins describes a ‘waking dream’ in which an Indian guide appeared to her and aid (silently), ‘You see?’ None of it matters – the suffering is all 3D and 4D experience and it is therefore all an illusion: “Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream,” she sings.

“Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your thoughts, unguarded. But, once mastered, no one can help you as much.” - Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha.

“You won’t surrender, which means – surrender means only accept this moment as it is. But, you won’t be able to surrender unless you’re completely fed up with suffering. You’ve had enough suffering. And, at some level, you recognise that most of your suffering is self-created. It is created out of resistance to what is. It is created out of an interpretation of something that is. It comes from a thought, from an interpretation, not from the situation. So, you realise, really, that, ‘I’ve had enough suffering,’ and only when you’ve truly had enough suffering in your life are you able to say, ‘I don’t need it anymore.’

Suffering is a wonderful teacher. Suffering is most people’s only spiritual teacher. And suffering deepens you. It gradually erodes the mind-made sense of self, the ego. And, for some people, the point arrives where they realise, ‘I have suffered enough.’ And that, for example, is the case with almost all the people who come to a retreat. If you ask them, they’ve all had their share of human suffering. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be open to the message. They’ve had their share of human suffering and they have reached a point where they are ready to listen to the message that says there is another way to live. There is another way in which you can live that does not create further suffering for yourself. And, so, when you are ready to hear that message – and that’s really the message that is in every religion: the central message of Buddhism is the end of suffering. And even the central message of the teaching of Jesus is finding the pearl of great price, finding the Kingdom of Heaven that is within you here and now as Jesus says. And that, of course, is the end of living in a state of suffering.

So, one could say that you need suffering for you to realise, for you to come to a point of realisation that you do not need to suffer anymore. There’s a paradox here. If I had not suffered, this teaching would not exist. So, you could say it has come partly as a result of intense suffering. Because, as a human being, I would not have evolved spiritually if I had not suffered. So suffering was my main teacher. And suffering is, for many people, their main teacher. But, then, some people, when they are ready, they come into contact with a spiritual teaching or teacher. And that can speed up the process of realisation that you don’t need to suffer anymore. You’re ready to hear that.

So, the Buddha talked about nothing else 2,600 years ago that there can be an end to self-inflicted suffering. And, when you don’t inflict suffering on yourself anymore – and, remember, it’s the thoughts: your thoughts make you suffer more than anything else. It’s not usually the situation. It’s your interpretation of the situation, of how dreadful it all is. And, so, when you see that, you see there is another way to live in which I no longer mentally argue with what is. And that’s the end of self-inflicted suffering. And, if I no longer inflict suffering on myself, I no longer inflict suffering on others because the two go together.”

- Eckhart Tolle (excerpt from the DVD, The Simple Truth: An in-depth interview with Eckhart Tolle, Eckhart Teachings, 2004).

“You have known cruelty; you know it well; well enough that you can now be complete with it. You have known sorrow, loss, and abandonment to the depths of your being, to the place where if you want to touch that space, it is very easy to push that button and be right back in the space of great sorrow and loss. And yet you have worked with coming up out of that space, and you have done well. However, to live in the space of love all of the time has yet to be realised in this incarnation, in this point of the evolution of ascension. That is your assignment, should you choose to accept it…Visionaries - you can begin now. Think upon the morrow. What do you plan to do tomorrow? How is it going to go? Are there going to be challenges, or is it going to be easy? Are you going to see everyone as your friend? Are you going to go smoothly through the day, even thanking the weather? Sometimes that can be a bit of a challenge…Visualise the positive. Visualise the world consciousness awaking, ascending in divine awareness. See each brother and sister reaching out to help one another, recognising the Oneness that they are, and yet appreciating the uniqueness of each one’s talents. You have the choice. Every moment is your choice. Choose you where you will abide. Choose you this day to serve the Christ, the true Self of you, and in so doing you uplift everyone in consciousness and hasten the ascension of humankind. So be it.” - Jeshua ben Joseph (channelled through Judith Coates, ‘Visionaries,’ 1 March 2011, www.oakbridge.org). 

“Strong men can always afford to be gentle. Only the weak are intent on ‘giving as good as they get.’" - Elbert Hubbard (The Notebook; www.quotelady.com/subjects/strength.html).

"The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves." - Helen Keller.