9
“When an inner situation is not made
conscious, it appears outside as fate.”
- Carl Jung.
Concerning hate, someone, somewhere,
sometime, said that older souls may dislike and even despise, but they never
hate. Although the word might be used to describe what they feel, there is
always a deeper feeling that is positive and which, however much it is
suppressed, counters the transient feeling of bitterness or resentment.
“We’re not meant to repress any negative emotions because it causes
imbalance. To conquer our emotions, we must embrace them, not fight them. We
must acknowledge them and allow them to serve their purpose as we learn from
them.
The
ancient Essene culture left teachings dating back about 6000 years. They taught
that our relationships with one another, with the Universe and with situations
and events are mirrors of the parts of our psyche that need to be cleansed...It
is very important to understand that when you fear loss, fear death, fear war,
fear terrorism or fear change, you are giving others the ability to control you
based on those fears. When you fight against poverty or against racism, when
you fight for relationships or for freedom, you are outwardly attempting to
repress that which has been placed before you to conquer inwardly.
These situations
are mirrors of our fears. This is why it is important to love and only love.
Love those who stand with you but especially those who stand against you. Do
not look at your fears as a threat. Rather, understand that this material world
is only a physical manifestation of either the love or fear in your
consciousness. It is as plain as day. All you need to conquer in your life is
in your face. If you want to understand what your true inner fears are, analyse
your ambitions and your inhibitions.”
- The Esoteric
Agenda (Extract from the film crated by Created by Ben Stewart from
www.talismanicidols.org, 2008).
PLAY: ‘Everyday Struggle’ by The Notorious B.I.G. (1994).
Concerning suicide, I have felt suicidal many times in my life but attempted it only once and did not see it through to the end (obviously!) because a good friend must have felt something, a prompt, and rang me (there were also other practical concerns). I do believe that negative thoughts, despair and depression attract dark energies (spirits) who may then intensify such emotions. How much of one’s depression is in actual response to circumstances? Similarly, when we react to something or someone in anger we may tap into reserves of unconscious anger from experiences in our past. It is therefore important to be conscious and look at these emotions, to sense and understand that other emotions may have been triggered and that they are therefore an inappropriate response to the situation at hand.
“We’ve got our soldiers fighting
Gangsta niggaz. Them terrorists is Gangstas. How the fuck you gonna scare
somebody that wanna die? Like, ‘I’ll kill
your motherfucking ass!’ ‘Thank you very much!’ Huh. What the fuck?” – American
Comedian Katt Williams.
It is
plausible that Pigsy, as well as other problems, ‘turned up on my doorstep’
partly because I had felt depressed and suicidal off and on since I was a
teenager both owing to suppressed pain within myself and subsequent struggles
in life. The former had eased significantly but the latter had also increased
significantly. Perhaps it was the universe saying, ‘Now is your chance if you
wish’ - but without really taking my desire for death too seriously, knowing
that deep down, I love life, love people, and have faith in myself to shine
through the clouds of despair and pass the karmic initiation that is upon me in
this lifetime. [1]
Caine (David Carradine): “Without fear, one sees more clearly.”
Caine (David Carradine): “Without fear, one sees more clearly.”
-
Kung Fu (Third Season, Episode 4,
‘This Valley of Terror,’ 1974).
Accept what is there but this
doesn’t mean you have to be docile and do nothing to counter your circumstances
or change the situation. Positive will can be applied: that is surely why we
are individual souls. We are here to learn to express the power of God, of our
true being, in contrast to the experience of darkness, fear, powerlessness,
ignorance, destruction, dependency and suffering. We are here to awaken from a
dream created by the subconscious in response to childhood (and past life)
experiences...to awaken from darkness to light. We are here to express the
power of the Creative Force individually, as unique points of consciousness, or
degrees of Beingness. Hence, Buddha shining positive light towards the angry
fellow. Hence, also, the higher expression of Will through what the Daoists
call ‘Wu Wei,’ which amounts to non-action in an external sense but manifesting
through positive intent in a relaxed state of divine oneness, without
resistance. Since we are Being and all is an expression of Being, centring
ourselves in Being enables us to draw the curtains of illusion to let in the
light of reality and to live true to our higher nature on this planet. It is no
easy feat to reprogram ourselves and demonstrate the power of the God Force
since we are so attached to matter and it is hard to break the spell (and to
cast the chunky shackles of karma aside).
Feeling is the key to returning to
the state of collective oneness, flowing with the universal whole. Then all
things are possible, achieving maximum effect through minimum effort. We each
owe it to ourselves to find and express our higher purpose. To believe that happiness
can be obtained by sinking down to animal aggression is great folly. By
centring oneself in the purpose that the Higher Self needs to express, one’s
consciousness rises up to the level of elevated thought, visualisation or
affirmation, to effect positive outcomes for all concerned. It is then up to
the universe as to whether or not that can be manifested, so it is wise not to
be attached to results. You plant the seed and nurture it but also trust
nature. The end result, the flower, might not be what you imagined but it is
the cosmic response to your expression of divine power filtered through many
layers of consciousness, many patterns of thought and behaviour stretching back
many lifetimes. So, let go of the results and hope, or have faith, but you still
need to accept circumstances if they do not change. Gratefulness is a great way
to soften the ego and reunite the soul with the sea of universal consciousness.
Not that I have found myself able to choose that path personally! Love is
nothing more than the feeling we share of being the same Being, the Creator
that loves everything It is and has to express. Yet, it is the most magical
force in existence; the cure-all.
[Retrospective note:
“’These are
life-moving type things,’ he says. ‘Some days I wake up and it wouldn’t take
nothin’ for me to go, ‘POW!’ He points to an imaginary gun at his head. ‘But I
wouldn’t do that because I don’t want no one to think that’s the way to go…If
they keep doin’ me like that in the press, I’ma lose ‘cuz the jury gonna
believe everything they been reading. If they give me a chance, I’m not just
gonna walk to jail.’ He sighs. ‘My spirit would die and that’s all I got. I’d
be another statistic.’ He turns upbeat. A smile creases his face. ‘I got faith
in God. I don’t believe God brought me this far to crucify me like this. I
believe he’s doin’ this just to make me stronger.’” – Tupac Shakur (‘This
Thug’s Life’ by Kevin Powell, February 1994, VIBE magazine. Tupac Shakur. 1971-1996 by the Editors
of VIBE, Plexus Publishing, London, U.K., 1997, p.31).
Nineties’ rappers Tupac Shakur and
Biggie Smallz both sang about wanting to commit suicide. Their lives were that
stressful. And then they suddenly ended when their lights were put out by the
FBI anyway. Being a bright jewel in this world is no easy ride. These guys were
right there in the heart of darkness, surrounded on all sides. The negativity
made them feel suicidal, it seems, but it was also closing in on them from the
outside as well, plotting to snuff them out and turn the apples sour. The
Elite’s plans for the rap industry was that it would become rotten to the core.
“I just wanted someone to kill me for me,” said Tupac. “You know what I mean?”
He said he was suicidal all the time but couldn’t kill himself. “…rape and
sodomy and guns…forcible kidnapping…charges. That’s why I wanted to die at that
point. Because I was so tired. You know what I mean? But I lives and I said,
‘Well, you know, I can’t check out.’” In the song ‘So Many Tears’ (1993), he
says:
I’m suicidal so don’t stand near me
My every move is a calculated step
to bring me closer
To embrace an early death. Now
there’s nothin’ left.]
Someone said (perhaps in a film),
“If I commit suicide, I doubt if I can be condemned for ‘uncomprehending’ the
incomprehensible.” We are on Earth for a purpose. Like flies, we keep finding
ourselves stuck on the web of illusion, at the mercy of dark forces. This
struggle is not in vain. We must wake up and realise that we are not flies
buzzing around aimlessly. It is merely a dream (or nightmare) and the Self is
dreaming in order to increase its consciousness of itself and its potential. A
great deal of thought and planning goes into preparing us for our earthly
lives. It is for this reason that suicide is not really an option, why it is a
‘sin,’ so to speak. There probably is a ‘penalty’ of some description for
committing suicide (although not where it was planned prior to birth or was a
natural rather than resistant withdrawal), but one which, I’m sure, is designed
to help the soul to understand the importance of its growth in lesson more
deeply so that one applies oneself more responsibly to the nightmare that life
can be, intuiting that facing the lessons is of vital importance in the
long-run. We rebels are the unruly children in the class and we do not see the
teachers because they are invisible to us, but they are overseeing our growth
on the Earth plane, handing out, supervising and marking our lessons carefully
and precisely. For, we cannot be allowed to move on to the next class unless we
can demonstrate that we have learned the lessons set for us. So, the
consequences for what amounts to truancy, or sabotage, a refusal to attend the
class and learn, appears to have dire consequences (although this may be
largely self-inflicted as a result of the soul’s desire for growth). One may
not be trusted, or deserving, of such an opportunity again for some ‘time.’ It
could be like being sent to reform school where one must first learn manners
and self-control and to adjust one’s behaviour and attitudes before one is
ready to rejoin the mainstream education system and learn the more human
lessons, as opposed to learning to rise above the purely animal level of
existence. Hence, there is no transporter room (not until one attains
multidimensional consciousness beyond the fourth dimension at least) or eject
button!
“An
Ice Cream vendor was found lying on the floor of his van, covered with hundreds
and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.” – Tommy Cooper.
From a higher perspective (than
we’re used to), we appreciate this, but, when, through ignorance, the ego is
allowed to protest about the pain endured on Earth, we fail to value the life
experiences we have been granted or to respect the whole process of soul growth
with all its many unseen threads and mechanisms. All of this is understandable.
However, no individual is more important than the universe, the collective
emanation of the Creator. It is for this reason that karma, the law of cause
and effect, was established to discipline, strengthen and teach the individual
soul, to balance and contain the freedom of will with which human beings are
gifted. During a plant’s growth, it experiences many hardships, many storms and
the like. It fights against the odds, its survival dependent on responding to
the great power and source of life that is the Sun. So, what, human beings are
expected to simply endure all the suffering that is our lot whilst having faith
that it is leading us to glory and perfection at ‘sometime in the future’?
Wisdom, at our low level of evolution, amounts to accepting our fate,
demonstrating the patience, respect, fortitude and humility required of us as
we grow in self-awareness through pain (mostly).
It is a simple fact that we in the
West, with our emphasis on the individualistic ego, do not generally grasp this
aspect of reality. There are rules in place to deter entities lost in the
illusion of matter from spreading their disease to other planes of
consciousness and having a detrimental effect on the cosmos. We need to
realise, humbly, that our temporal earthy dimension of life is but one
minuscule part of the collective universe and that we are on one of the lower
rungs of the evolutionary ladder. But, protest we do, of course, and the more
violently then deeper our ignorance. And, so, we can find ourselves stuck down
a well of despair, unable to look out at the big picture, confined to the pain
that has consumed our attention. And, then, life might not seem worthwhile and
it can seem logical and sensible simply to end that life. I have been there
many times. If you talk to a suicidal person from above the well, you cannot
really expect to reach them and make them see ‘sense’ because you are standing
in light and they are crouched in darkness. However, a subtle influence is
conveyed. Some of that light that you are experiencing is received and does
touch and lighten their soul eventually.
Charles De Mar (Curtis Armstrong): Suicide
is never the answer, little trooper.
I have been mostly isolated when
facing such despair but then I have the knowledge that I would only have to
return to Earth to go through it all again, delaying the lessons one needs to
learn in order to ascend to a higher dimension in the world of spirit. Far
better to get the pain and torment out of the way and move on. Those who are in
touch with spirit guides are likely to understand such truths. If we throw away
the opportunity to grow, then we throw away all the work and preparation that
has gone into providing one with an earthy incarnation as well. We are not
separate from the collective universe no matter what we might believe.
Everything and everyone is bound together because, beyond these seemingly
concrete physical forms we inhabit, lies the Matrix of collective consciousness
into which we are plugged. And, beyond the Matrix is the inner light, the truth
and reality, of the eternal Self to which we are to awaken when we are ready.
Osho was asked by one of his
Sannyasin: “Beloved Osho, Most of Humanity Lives to Eat and Sleep, Work,
Accumulate Power and Money, Or to Propagate Itself. Beloved Master, What Do You
Live For?” Osho replied: “Milarepa, I will tell you a real historical fact: In Greece, there
was a great philosopher, Xeno. He lived a long life - in those days it was
really very long, because the average life in those days was not more than
twenty-five years. Xeno lived ninety years. And he is a strange philosopher,
unique in a sense, because his teaching is that life is meaningless; so
meaningless that any man of intelligence would commit suicide, that is the only
intelligent act you can do. So many of his disciples committed suicide, went on
committing suicide. Ninety years long, thousands of disciples - and he was a
very convincing man. What he was saying was so accurate, because ordinary life
is certainly so meaningless - unless you know to change it into a divine
phenomenon, it is meaningless. And he was a great logician; he argued and
convinced people, and people committed suicide, young people committed suicide.
When he was dying, somebody asked, ‘Xeno, one thing has always disturbed us.
According to your philosophy, thousands of people have committed suicide. Why
have you gone on living?’ He said, ‘It was just to teach people to commit
suicide; otherwise who will do my job? I had to live.’ Milarepa, people are
living absolutely meaningless lives. I also teach them a kind of suicide - not
exactly the same as Xeno. I teach them a suicide in which they are reborn in a
more luminous life, of a greater glory, of a divine ecstasy. I have to live
because it would be absolutely unkind, knowing the path of transformation and
not telling it to the people who need it.”
“Dear one, as we have mentioned before, the energy of suicide is a test
for those who remain, not for the one who committed the act. Indeed, the Human
Being has very strong survival instincts to keep him from doing this, but for
those who do, there is no stigma of dishonour or punishment. They are not
stuck, either. Most of the time this was a potential contract all along, and it
prods those around them to make decisions that they would never have had to do
otherwise.
Remember,
this is a test for all of you. When it's over, don't be shocked to return to
this side of the veil and find that there is no punishment or reward…only a
family who is appreciative of your journey, and of the energy it took to love
the earth and the Universe so much, that you went through it.”
- Kryon
(www.kryon.com/inspiritmag/archives/Q-A%20archives/2002-Q&A/Q&A-11-1.html,
Updated on 1 November 2002).
“Suicide is
a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” - Phil Donahue.
“Anyone desperate
enough for suicide... should be desperate enough to go to creative extremes to
solve problems: elope at midnight, stow away on the boat to New Zealand and
start over, do what they always wanted to do but were afraid to try.” - Richard
Bach.
“The real
reason for not committing suicide is because you always know how swell life
gets again after the hell is over.” - Ernest Hemingway.
“I have spent all my life resisting the desire to end it.” -
Franz Kafka (Letters to Milena).
Retrospective
inserts.
“I am happy on the outside, but inside something gnaws at me; some
presentiment, anxiety, dreams - or sleeplessness, - melancholy, indifference -
desire for life, and the next instant, desire for death: some kind of sweet
peace, some kind of numbness, absent-mindedness; and sometimes definite
memories worry me. My mind is sour, bitter, salt; some hideous jumble of
feelings shakes me! I am stupider than ever.” - Frédéric Chopin (from
a letter).
“Learn to
separate the individual from the difficulty you associate with him. A person
who is being difficult is in some form of a state of fear and, whether aware of
it or not, is requesting help. He is seeking someone able to see beyond the
hostility and to respond accordingly. It is your choice whether you drift into
a state of fear. And if you do, you must understand that your own reaction is
leading the communication deeper in fear.” - Betty Perkins (Lion Taming. The courage to deal with
difficult people including yourself, Tzedakah Publications, CA, U.S., 1995,
p.42).
“When you
struggle with a difficult person, you and the other person are stuck in fear.
The fear shows itself as some kind of miscommunication or a struggle for
power…When someone is irritable or hostile, you can entertain such questions as
‘what fear lies behind this anger?’ and perceive it as fear needing love,
sometimes in the form of taking a stand.” - Betty Perkins (Lion Taming. The courage to deal with
difficult people including yourself, Tzedakah Publications, CA, U.S., 1995,
p.173-174).
Dan
Millman
(Scott Mechlowicz): "Those who are the hardest to love, need it the
most."
“Those who
are the hardest to love are the ones who teach us the most about ourselves.
They reveal to us where our boundaries lie. Show us where our unconditional
love falters, and becomes splintered into conditional love. Reveals our levels
of judgement. Those who are the hardest to love, give us our greatest rewards.
Your Question: Do they need our love the most.....? I struggle with an
answer…May I just say that Love allows people to blossom and
bloom.......Namaste.” – Jill E. (‘Are the hardest individuals to love the ones
who need it the most?’
‘Compassion’ by St.
Germain (channelled through Ashamarae McNamara. YouTube
video posted by messagesfromwithin, 9 October 2008).
“One who is giving their power away is not asking
for compassion. They’re asking for empathy...One who is asking for compassion
is usually attacking you, physically, verbally. For, they’re saying in the only
way they know how, ‘This part of me did not receive love or compassion. And
when this part of me acted out it was chastised. And, I can see within you, you
have compassion. You have this ability. I’m going to let out this beast. And it
won’t be pretty. But, I know you can do it. You can do it. For, what is the use
of compassion if you do not have something to be compassionate to? If something
is happy-go-lucky, what is the point? If someone is smiling at the sky and the
Sun, you don’t have to ask them if they feel good. It is obvious they do.
Love
yourself. Be compassionate. We’re not implying that this will be easy. Yet, we
are implying that you will continue to come until you do. And, that is a
creation by your own hand. Then, when someone is giving their power away, we
would say the first question to ask is, ‘What is my need for power?’ To create
or give it away. We know it’s a statement you don’t hope to hear. Yet, it is
the truth. For, that is coming to you what you are calling forth-every time.
Every time. No accidental moments. The moment you have the word, ‘You’re doing
this to me,’ you are powerless. You are powerless.
It
does not imply you have to stay in any situation. Yet, ask yourself, ‘Have I
loved this situation? Have I given it compassion? Or has it angered me?’
Wonderful. It has brought anger out of you. ‘Has it frustrated me? Oh,
wonderful, you are frustrated. Now it has moved through the body.
Love
be the eternal key, beloveds. It will not change. Yet, love in this world must
be practised. It is not an automatic response. For, you were not trained for
that response. Had you lived within the Temple of Mu from birth to passing, it
would have been trained to love and it would have been automatic. But, the
training in this world is to train for survival, greed, need and condemnation.
And, those ingredients create wonderful slaves.
Yet,
we are here assisting all of humanity out of slavery. And, what is the first
ingredient to get out of slavery? We’ll give you a hint. We have been saying it
all day. Yes, it is love. And love begins with who first? Yes. Self-love. How
do you treat yourself? How do you treat your body? How is your environment?
Does your environment say that this is love? ‘Come, look, I want to show the
world.’ Your thoughts: would you like to announce all of your thoughts to the
world? Oh no! Yet, as you practice - Abraham Hicks gave the most beautiful
advice. Thirty seconds in one day. That’s it. If you can do more, wonderful.
Yet, commit to thirty seconds of conscious thought, deliberate thought, chosen
thought. And, within a month’s time, it will become more automatic to select
your thought instead of being put there for you.”
As Lazaris
implies, someone who inflicts suffering on another person probably wants them
to feel more. They want a response, probably of compassion and unconditional
love, but any emotional response, any savage connection may do since it
satisfies their need to experience wholeness beyond their limited ego
temporarily. They want to bypass your rational, thinking mind as well as your
reason and conscious identity and tap into your being which is love. They want
to bathe themselves in the fresh water of pure consciousness beyond your
personality because they are too weak or scared to look inside themselves and
enter the process of clearing the reflection. They don’t like what they see so
they do not look in the mirror. They prefer to smash your mirror, to basically
murder you or sacrifice you for the sake of their longing to feel wholeness even
for a moment. It is irrelevant if all of this is unrealistic and the outcome is
not what they want it to be because they still derive some of the energy of
wholeness through the process while they believe, albeit unconsciously, in this
illusion. It is probably the dark unconscious in one person seeking that which
exists somewhere in the other person but it is an addiction to the negative
power of chaos. And that has no energy of its own so one becomes a vampire
feeding off others, always needing to drink, to hunt the helpless and prey upon
the powerless. They want you to be as a newborn child again. They reject and
want to destroy your adult personality which denies them the love, peace and
happiness that they are denying themselves. They want to clear all your
blockages and cut through your defences so that you are helpless and open up to
share the sweet fruit of your soul, the love juice within you.
“The way
you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” - Sonya Friedman.
If you were a ripened fruit, of course, you would
not resist. You would willingly open up and share your natural sweetness with
all and sundry whether they demanded it brutally or did not know or care if
they needed your unconditional love and compassion, respect and acceptance, for
all that they are inside and out, warts and all. Me, I am such a rebel by
nature that if anyone imposes themselves on me as a misuse of power in order to
take energy, love, attention or anything else from me (and others) I react from
my core which is evidently rooted in past life experiences. It seems so
intrinsic to my whole being to respond to people only if it is my choice, only
if it is in alignment with my truth. No doubt, I should probably be open to
everyone and this blockage, which also reinforces my independence and
originality, separates me from others. It relates to my Aquarian Ascendant. I
think that people who are likely to behave in this demanding way are likely to
view me as aloof and superior, as not giving them the love, respect and
admiration they desire or feel they deserve from others and have every right to
expect it from everyone. They want to be important and they need confirmation
through others because they lack true self-esteem.
My lesson here is detachment: to remain open, to
feel, to actively love and to respond to their deeper need to love themselves
more, to be love. Perhaps it wouldn’t do any harm to give some of what they
want, even though their craving and demanding in the most annoying, grating way
disgusts me. For me, that would be stepping above my own truth to the level of
universal truth, centring myself in the truth of love as opposed to the love of
truth. And I would only maintain my integrity if this perspective was
experienced. Yet, it would take practice and the first step is to feel love
more throughout the day and let love be my guide and teacher. Then, personally,
I believe that as long as one feels love, the vibration affects others and one
should simply be natural and spontaneous. Get the centre right and then
everything takes care of itself. Easier said than done of course but, hey,
we’re just hypothesising here! As I now also like to say, however, ‘Truth is winning and love will win!’
“Let us
take a moment for a word about kindness: having some spiritual knowledge, can
you be sure that you weigh your words carefully? Do you consider the feelings
of your brethren when you speak and act, not only in the big things of life,
but in everyday conversation? Kindness must be spontaneous, the lips must be
controlled by kindness, and always the thought, ‘Will it hurt?’ should be
foremost. We can be cruel without knowing; without meaning to be cruel. Jesus
said that cruelty was a great sin. If we are cruel in little things, can we
wonder at the great outside world being savage and cruel?” - White Eagle (The Light
Bringer. The Ray of John and the Age of Intuition, channelled
through Grace Cooke, The
White Eagle Publishing Trust, Hants., U.K., 2001, p.114-115).
“Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more,
it is willing to see less.” - Rabbi Julins Gordo.
If it is not truthful and not
helpful, don't say it.
If it is truthful and not helpful, don't say it.
If it is not truthful and helpful, don't say it
If it is both truthful and helpful, wait for the right time.
- Buddha.
If it is truthful and not helpful, don't say it.
If it is not truthful and helpful, don't say it
If it is both truthful and helpful, wait for the right time.
- Buddha.
Osho said
he wanted to give something to his sannyasins on his birthday and was reminded
of a saying of Buddha: “sabba danam dhamma danana jnati - the
gift of truth excels all other
gifts.” He added: “And my truth is love.” [See Appendix III: ‘A BirthdayMessage by Osho’]. Then, again, love and truth are ultimately one. For, when we
have real self-love, we love the truth and follow our calling to be and express
all that we can be as the following message indicates:
"What
is important to understand, is that your ability to master the physical realms,
to step fully into your roles as co-creators, depends solely on your activated
love-quotient. Which essentially means that your ability to remain true to your
inner calling, and to design the world that you have envisioned for yourselves
is wholly contingent upon the condition of, the strength of, the connection
of...your heart. Take not these words as indications of niceties, that is to
say, love is not the application of those things generally regarded as
‘pleasant’…LOVE is an indication of, the reflection of, your internal
connection to…TRUTH…the merging of the lower self with the higher self which
becomes the internal and external representation of All That Is." -
Seven Sisters (channelled through Lauren C. Gorgo, ‘LOVE takes the Lead: the return of
feminine power,‘ 11 July 2011, www.consciousco-creationalcoaching.blogspot.com/2011/07/love-takes-lead-return-of-feminine.html).
I have never asked for love from anyone in any way
I don’t think and I have not been very open to being loved which is something I
need to address as well. It places me diametrically opposite to those who
demand love. So, I guess this is probably the reason why I feel so extremely
reviled by anyone who does anything for love and/or attention. Anyway, I do and
I react. I definitely don’t give the love I usually would. It is an instinctive
act of rebellion - from one Inner Child to another. I guess you could say that
I can be fairly conservative when it comes to actually showing love, to
responding fully or giving my full attention. I feel deeply and I am slow to warm
up. It takes me a while to relax and trust, to open up. And, truthfully, people
do not generally interest me unless I feel some affinity with them and that
does not happen too often.
I mentioned this issue to a friend and she
responded: ‘If you haven't allowed yourself to open and receive love, or ask
for it in any way, then yes, I can see how this repressed bit of yourself that
would love to be able to do so is going to think, 'That's not allowed' when it
sees that happening in others: that's its own personal rule. (It may also think
it sees it happening in others when it isn't - it will be very sensitive to
it). It will go on judging/attacking it in others until you release your judgements
on this (potential or past) behaviour in yourself...this is the rule of
projection).’ Referring me to a chapter on forgiveness in The Way of Mastery
(by Jeshua channelled through Jayem, Heartfelt Publishing, 1997, www.wayofmastery.com), she went on to suggest the need to ‘forgive something in yourself
when you see it happening 'out there' - there being no real 'out there' as we
are all one!’
My reply included this: ‘Well, not just 'that's not
allowed' - in my experience, the way such people demand love and attention
tends to be very annoying! So that is what I mean. I find this subject
interesting: yes, clearly it is, like many things, a judgement of something
happening. Equally, however, it is a righteous statement of truth that something
is annoying and life would be easier without its interference. And on the crazy
train as I call it nowadays from where I live into town there are countless
people listening to personal stereos at varying volumes and talking on mobiles.
Some are selfish and some civilised, some are discreet some are LOUD and trash
the peace of mind of every passenger in the carriage...some know what they are
doing and are doing it for a reason (they want love/attention) and some are
oblivious to others' need for space and silence...some have good taste while
the noisy ones often like violent rap tunes/lyrics. As for forgiving myself
when someone is talking in their mobile right next to me on a crowded
train...hmmm.’
My soul is hiding and it is distant. I have been
guilty of not giving it enough attention, of not trusting my emotions, not
reaching out to people, not acknowledging my need for people emotionally. It is
very much like the enemy ego approaching my castle in a threatening manner
(loud or aggressive) with the intention of breaking down my defences, subduing
my will and bypassing my ego, in order to steal my treasure, rape and pillage
my soul and take whatever love they can find or force out of me. It’s kind of
like, ‘If you don’t give it to me willingly I’ll come and take it’ and perhaps
most people are weak or fearful enough to simply yield. The bully settles for
fear if love and respect are not available which they are not to a bully of
course. I myself have been sensitive, weak and therefore fearful on the outside.
Yet, I have also been confident, strong-willed and powerful on the inside, as
well as very loving. So, of course, even if the bully succeeds in overpowering
me I do not have an endless supply of unconditional love that says, ‘Sure, take
what you want!’ I resent and resist and I will not surrender my will though
that might be the very thing that limits my power since it keeps me firmly
attached to my ego and constructs a dam that keeps my feelings from flowing
fully. If I was continuously aware of myself as divine abundance, as love,
peace, joy and happiness, then perhaps I would smile and know that what I have
and what I am is more precious than my beliefs or principles even, or my
comfort and quality of life. And, perhaps, like the Sun, I would simply shine
all the time, to all equally, because it is my true nature to do so. I might be
more loving towards myself first and foremost and extend that Light to the love
within other people that they may love themselves too and know the love of
their eternal Being. Naturally, for this to happen, there needs to be a
distinct absence of clouds - emotional blockages - in the sky. Moreover,
sensitivity must be combined with inner strength and that must be developed
through life’s challenges I guess.
“Look well
into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou
wilt always look.” - Marcus Aurelius (Meditations).
“In order to be
‘light’ in the New Energy - you must have recognised and come to terms with
both your own shadow energy and that of the human collective. And this
recognition should be accompanied by a deep compassion and love. Owning your
own shadow will allow you to understand why there is so much fear in the world,
and also to understand how holding your own shadow in balance can help to heal
and shift that fear. Every individual that opens their heart to compassion and
moves beyond fear helps to heal the greater consciousness of humanity. And once
you live beyond fear, you can live in the eternal present. And truly experience
the power of the ‘Now’ moment. You will flow and change with the greater
flows.” - Celia Fenn (‘Becoming Light(er): Your Crystal Body and the New
Energies,’ www.starchildglobal.com/starchild/light.html).
It's all an
illusion and deep down beyond it all is only the reality of eternal joy.
PLAY: ‘Just a Thought’ by Gnarls Barkley (the B-side of ‘Crazy,’ 2006) which
says he’s “tried everything but suicide.” But, as the title suggests, it’s ‘just
a thought;’ that is, it has ‘crossed his mind’ during times of depression but
it’s not something he would actually go ahead and do. Cuz, maybe, that would be
‘crazy’ after all!
“When you allow yourself your humanness with gratitude and openness, the emotional charge (which is another word for judgement) falls away from things like fear, upset, discomfort, shame and anger. And so these things no longer hold power over you, and that is when the extreme polarities, i.e. highs and lows, ups and downs, begin to fall away.” - Elizabeth Anne Hill.
A cartoon
in Punch by Banx depicts two lines of
sheep, side-by-side, blindly following each other and falling over the edge of
a cliff. They pass a tree whereupon another sheep has hung himself from a
branch. One sheep says, ’I thought Norman had been looking a bit depressed
lately.’ (Punch. All Creatures Great and
Small, Edited by Helen Walasek, Prion, London, U.K., 2009, p.25). It’s
funny because the irony is paralleled in human beings. The people who comment
on those who ‘lose their way,’ or go off on a tangent from the masses, and who
may end up committing suicide, are on a suicidal mission themselves. They just
can’t see it because they’re going along with the crowd and from there
everything feels comfortable and secure. It all seems to be going well because
they’re remaining asleep. They judge their lives according to others and feel
that providing they go along with the consensus they have nothing to fear and must be doing OK and have life sussed!
They’re sleepwalking to their deaths, living lives with hardly any conscious
thought and without questioning the status quo.
“We immortals do not like things to
be taken seriously. We like joking. Seriousness, young man, is an accident of
time. It consists of putting too high a value on time. In eternity, however,
there is no time, you see. Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a
joke.” - Goethe in Steppenwolf by
Hermann Hesse (1927).
Foot note
1. Jennifer
Hoffman has written a three-part
article titled ‘Indigos and Suicide’ which is included on this web page: www.urielheals.com/Page.html
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